Eulogy of a Perv

Poem by Marc Antony, Illustration by Chellius

He was a young man,
With a terrible personality,
He drove an unmarked white van;
And stole from charity.

He was a perv
Who liked a little kid,
What he did touched a nerve;
So he ran and hid.

They found him in a hole,
His arms in a tree,
His head became a bowl;
His gonads history.

Dearest Law Maker people

To the people who make laws,

I am a middle-aged indian woman that has suffered massive grief due to the archaic laws your people have put into place. According to the powers of Google, it has come to my attention that the statutory rape is for children below sixteen and children aged sixteen and above are allowed to flirt and touch each other despite the fact they're really dumb.

This is immensely outrageous because this would make men of the age of 23 think it appropriate to fall in like with children who are 16. This should be a crime. Have you not read Lolita? I certainly haven't but i understand that it did not end well. I suppose you could reprimand me and say she was 13 however i beg to differ because 16 year olds are just as silly as 13 year olds (if you've watched one tree hill you would agree.)

So i propose that you make it a crime for 23 year old men to even find 16 year old girls attractive because it is not only morally wrong, it is also supernaturally wrong due to the fact that when they stare at little girls below the age of 18, their penises tend to drop off. We would not want this to occur frequently, (although much deserved) it is not desirable for the human race as a whole.

If you are a 23 year old interested in a 16 year old you will experience phallic-escapes and beware of the unmarked saga that might appear at your door step with a bunch of people running out to beat you senseless.

Yours,
Aggrieved middle aged indian woman.

Angry Tranny

Dearest Chloius, (and everyone else that reads this story)

i think i made tranny angry. i feel really bad. ok initially i did because i called her a tranny instead of makeup lady at metro. although to think about it calling her makeup lady could be even more degrading than a tranny cause at least tranny entitles you to being fabulous and fakely tanned. being the makeup lady does not.

ive always hated those people that refer to trannies as trannies or shims. because i watched transamerica. i like lynette scavo and her son in the transamerica movie was hot. so i empathized with her need to become a woman.

but this tranny was really crazy. she started yelling at me for touching stuff. and i waslike sorry. but evidently sorry wouldnt cut it the way her nipples can cut glass when its real cold in metro. she started yelling about how i had to pay for the entire bottle but then what a moron betcha she wouldnt let me keep it cause u know she wants to wrap it up. ugh what a weirdo.

and i had to leave metro cause she was freaking angry with me ok. i wanted to run away. gosh u know whats the worse part. i cant remmeber what she look like cause my head superimposed by janice dickinson adi....

chellious is scared