I did away with my personal blog and now I bombard you with emo.

You know how after the whole euphoria of New Years has died down and it's now the 2nd of January? That's today for me. I don't know why but that line seems like some thing I've written over and over again in some form or another but I'm not sure if it was in my dreams of if time and dates are struggling to catch up with me when yesterday feels like a year ago and tomorrow is impossible.

Happy New Year by the way retards. I've missed you while I was away but not really - I miss Thailand more. It's such a dirty, filthy place; sleazy to its core through and through but there's something about it... something I cannot have enough of, something that leaves me feeling very disoriented when I leave.

I don't care that it's all about sex, sex and ping pong balls and that the ganja isn't as easy to come by nor as cheap as it was portrayed in The Beach, which I have read halfway of now but I couldn't bring myself to read more because the horror's just about to begin. I don't want it to lose its innocence and charm yet. We see what we want to see. I don't even mind the disgusting tourists and white people nor the bloody conjob Thais who just rip everything and everyone off with a big welcoming smile on their face and a knife in their pocket.

Maybe it's just reality I don't want to come back to and Thailand is the best escape I've had so far. I now cannot wait for Bali and my feet are itchy and my tummy is hollow though I've stuffed my face beyond belief and it feels like I got a basketball in there.

What pissed the fuck out of me about Phuket is the fact that everything was overly expensive, the sun wasn't hot enough in the early morning, there were Burmese and Arabby look-alikes manning some of the rip off stalls, the road side food stalls were too few and far between. I need more barbecue lok-lok, more pancakes and more fried rice. God gimme those creamy tomyum cup noodles too and a Thai 7-e and I'll be happy. And that the whites there were old familias. They also didn't have the bonafide Thai food I wanted. Fuck you tourism.

I wished and wished the whole time I was on Phi Phi instead or a smaller island with no one around, just a 7-e and barbecue, fried rice and pancake stalls. I like Phi Phi cos you walk around the whole place as everything is so nearby, proper island-like nahmean?

But what is it about Thailand that makes me not want to leave ever. I want to go there and stay. Even Bangkok feels different to KL, and the whole aura around it just makes you never want to leave.

On your first day everyone will seem to have been there forever, like they belong there - whites and locals alike. You're the FNG ;), a little overwhelmed by the possibility of the extraordinary, taking in the sights and smells and the ocean breeze. Then on your last day, you're an old hand, been there forever like you belong, you know all the spots and all the newbies who come by feel just like you did when you first arrived. And you think wow, they're so lucky, they get to stay while you have to leave.

I'm quite sad really, like there wasn't any adventure to be had there but what they sold you.

I still didn't want to leave, like maybe because there is adventure there for me and I just haven't found it yet and if I stayed to look I might have chanced upon it.