The Retard's Guide To The Reasonable Man

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2011-03-03T03:12:00.000+08:00

Can you imagine someone quoted on facebook that a love affair with education will never end in heartbreak. What??? And she did law some more, like tak caya sial. Hahahah!

It won't break your heart cos it'll crack open your head and then pull out everything you had and leave you empty.

Jerry Springer inspires me!

2011-03-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

Joke. Somewhat.

So this lady was yelling at this toad for molesting her daughter. Toad says she's lying and she told her daughter to say it. They go through lie detector tests and everyone's telling the truth. Toad didn't molest daughter, mother didn't tell daughter to say it, etc.

But... mother gets into trouble with the question - Have you ever told your daughter to touch herself? Mother says no but lie detector say she lie! And mind you her daughter is 4ish? And the host who isn't Jerry Springer... Steve something whatever gets so angry and disgusted and fucks her up in front of everyone for being a bad parent and for being on crystal meth (see the trend here mateys, it really fucks you up).

Of course mother starts yelling her defence - that she told her daughter she can only touch herself when she's alone and in private and that the child likes to play with herself and the doctor she took her daughter to said not to encourage or discourage such behaviour.

What the fuck I don't know. They fuck you up your mum and dad, they may not mean to but they do.

Is she a bad and disgusting mom? Perhaps but based on the bare facts that I do have, I don't think she's done anything bad but of course I'm not weighing in on the countless repercussions the child might have in the future. What would the reasonable man do?

Strippers to fight over me!

2011-03-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

I have since picked up a new hobby - watching Jerry Springer on youtube. Classy.

Still... he has two strippers fighting over him... Legend?

Daydream

2011-02-06T11:05:00.001+08:00

There was a kid in the car in front of us blowing bubbles from his window.
Bubbles filled our view as we drove past, reflecting sun, reflecting cars, reflecting us.
What a nice start to the last day of my short break.

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I might be having what is called a religious experience.

2011-02-05T04:54:00.000+08:00

Or I'm being put on a quest and I've only just been handed the first puzzle piece. I keep turning it around in my head as if I am unsure of what to do with it but the instructions are so clear. And there's a promise too, which maybe I don't believe in enough. And of course I am scared. What will I find when I find god? I don't know, and I know I'm dying to find out and that time is so limited but I don't really want to be in that much of a hurry you know?

Where do I find my heart and how do I seek with it?

What a failed super hero the reasonable man is.

Jello from meera's phone

2011-01-19T19:25:00.001+08:00

It is awesome.

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I did away with my personal blog and now I bombard you with emo.

2011-01-06T16:22:00.000+08:00

You know how after the whole euphoria of New Years has died down and it's now the 2nd of January? That's today for me. I don't know why but that line seems like some thing I've written over and over again in some form or another but I'm not sure if it was in my dreams of if time and dates are struggling to catch up with me when yesterday feels like a year ago and tomorrow is impossible.

Happy New Year by the way retards. I've missed you while I was away but not really - I miss Thailand more. It's such a dirty, filthy place; sleazy to its core through and through but there's something about it... something I cannot have enough of, something that leaves me feeling very disoriented when I leave.

I don't care that it's all about sex, sex and ping pong balls and that the ganja isn't as easy to come by nor as cheap as it was portrayed in The Beach, which I have read halfway of now but I couldn't bring myself to read more because the horror's just about to begin. I don't want it to lose its innocence and charm yet. We see what we want to see. I don't even mind the disgusting tourists and white people nor the bloody conjob Thais who just rip everything and everyone off with a big welcoming smile on their face and a knife in their pocket.

Maybe it's just reality I don't want to come back to and Thailand is the best escape I've had so far. I now cannot wait for Bali and my feet are itchy and my tummy is hollow though I've stuffed my face beyond belief and it feels like I got a basketball in there.

What pissed the fuck out of me about Phuket is the fact that everything was overly expensive, the sun wasn't hot enough in the early morning, there were Burmese and Arabby look-alikes manning some of the rip off stalls, the road side food stalls were too few and far between. I need more barbecue lok-lok, more pancakes and more fried rice. God gimme those creamy tomyum cup noodles too and a Thai 7-e and I'll be happy. And that the whites there were old familias. They also didn't have the bonafide Thai food I wanted. Fuck you tourism.

I wished and wished the whole time I was on Phi Phi instead or a smaller island with no one around, just a 7-e and barbecue, fried rice and pancake stalls. I like Phi Phi cos you walk around the whole place as everything is so nearby, proper island-like nahmean?

But what is it about Thailand that makes me not want to leave ever. I want to go there and stay. Even Bangkok feels different to KL, and the whole aura around it just makes you never want to leave.

On your first day everyone will seem to have been there forever, like they belong there - whites and locals alike. You're the FNG ;), a little overwhelmed by the possibility of the extraordinary, taking in the sights and smells and the ocean breeze. Then on your last day, you're an old hand, been there forever like you belong, you know all the spots and all the newbies who come by feel just like you did when you first arrived. And you think wow, they're so lucky, they get to stay while you have to leave.

I'm quite sad really, like there wasn't any adventure to be had there but what they sold you.

I still didn't want to leave, like maybe because there is adventure there for me and I just haven't found it yet and if I stayed to look I might have chanced upon it.

Yay to creative writing prompts for the mentally unsound block people who think of themselves as writers get

2010-12-31T02:35:00.004+08:00

So I found a website that has random creative writing prompts. One of which was to write a story about a man who teaches his pet cockroaches to dance. Another was to write a letter to your ten year old self. Most of the rest was trash I could not comprehend.

So...

Dear Chloe,

I assume that since you are 10 now, you will be 11 soon. I am really sorry about that but don't worry, 13 years later you haven't changed at all. Goal succeeded, win.

But the real reason I'm writing to you now from the future, as your awesome future self, is not to tell you shit I know now that I wish I knew then but to tell you this ridiculous whack story I'm making up right now about Mr Hunting Lodge as a whim.

Who is Mr Hunting Lodge you ask? Why, he's the bottle of whisky daddy finished that mummy now uses as water bottles to hydrate her annoying and awful family. Yes, we are awful and annoying but don't worry, generally people kinda like us so really, you can quit trying now.

Mr Lodge was one of those cranky pseudo posh guys with big teeth and oily skin that always thought at the back of his head just like you do that he was meant for something greater. It was always just out of his grasp and try as he may, his long skinny fingers just couldn't feel it in the dark. He lived like the slob he is but walked around in his prissy purple coat tailed jacket and shiny denim jeans and talked posh, posh not like he went to Hogwarts but like he had a smell under his nose and a singing frog stuck in his throat.

He lost his job because the frog in his throat lost its voice.

His pity party was Britney Spears, Tesco and New Years at Times Square all at once with the devil beside him patting his shoulder whispering there, there really sweetly. Then a cockroach crawled up to the little cardboard box that once held the fat he had had delivered out of misery but which now lines his stomach and clogs up his ass and started nibbling on the remnants of cheeseburger it contained inside.

Mr Lodge tried to smash it with his fist but the little roach evaded and continued its meal.

"I can't even kill a cockroach," moaned Lodge, tears rolling down his eyes again in streams.

"There, there," whispered the devil sweetly.

"Useless, useless, useless... maybe I'll facebook the 45 minutes before I commit suicide."

"There, there."

The cockroach shot Lodge a look. If you can't imagine a cockroach doing that Chloe, don't worry, Wall-E will show you how and your imagination will fly away with you.

Lodge started humming Evanescence. Imaginary paper flowers and purple clouded skies for him.

"FML!" thought the cockroach. "Another fucking emo."

And it started to dance.

That's right, you heard me. It started to dance.

Not like a ballerina in a tutu you dumbass, but it bopped it head along to the humming, and scuttled this way and that the way only a cockroach knows how. In its head it chanted dance, dance, dance, dance, dance dance dance revolution! Dance dance revolution, ohhh-hhhhhhh oh oh ohhhhh ow ow emo!

When you grow up Chloe, there will come a time when you will nod your head in agreement when some bimbo tells you that she doesn't care about the alcohol, she only likes to dance. You too may say it to someone else but believe me, that will be a lie, not a white lie - a really bad one.

But still, the cockroach danced its way in front of Lodge whose tears was still streaming down his face though his eyes were shut tight and it cleared it throat. This too is something you will see in Wall-E as cockroaches are apparently one of the only creatures that can survive a nuclear disaster which is probably how we will die in the near future. He was so sererousry ronerey that he esproded Sou Koreya. Or his dough faced successor did and AMERICA FUCK YEAH did nothing to help cos there ain't no oil there baby and they sure didn't want another Vietnam on their hands as ever since then, they only like to go to war when they sure as hell know what they're dying for.

The cockroach cleared his throat again in a series of clicks and jingly buzzes. Mr Hunting Lodge looked down and yes, I am about to say that his life changed forever.

His life changed forever.

I am now bored of this story and I realise you have no idea what facebook is. It's what people with no friends do not have. You have facebook, don't worry.

Love,
Chloe.

PS: But you like to fuck your friends over as it suits you and you have atrocious work ethic.

PPS: I wonder if this will get me a job in a magazine if they ask for sample writing.

PPPS: Maybe I should have chosen the topic which was to tell a story about an adoption agency selling shaved baby chimps instead.

PPPPS: Or about a bucket of distaste. Everyone okay with another racist post?

PPPPPS: Happy birthday EBONY! Who never reads this blog. I love you!

PPPPPPS: http://www.creativewritingprompts.com/ if anyone's interested.

QUACKing

2010-12-28T11:01:00.000+08:00

definition: acronym for carrying out Quirky Unusual Acts of Christmas Kindness.

You learn something new everyday.

In light of the recent confessions of a Malay Muslim men that he's gay and okay, I have a few things to say about it.

Do you accept homosexuality?
Does saying you'll treat such a person humanely but dont want to do anything that may appear to show "support" or "encouragement" towards the chosen lifestyle of said person is only superficially oxymoronic or is it an outright contradiction?

Does withholding support equal inhumane treatment? Where do you draw the line at what constitutes "support" and "encouragement"?

I find it hard to believe that if I say to a cross-dresser/homosexual/transsexual etc "hey, you look amazing today!" it'd be like I said "hey, you gay people are so hip. I support you hey, I'd totally be gay if I could and whatever with my religion!"

I believe that the Quran tells me judgment is for God. I will draw my line there. If you feel that you can be a devout Muslim and be homosexual, I say that is fine with me. Because you may have found something I've not yet learned to see.

I've thought about all the horrible things that could happen in life. To the people around you. I think the most important thing is that the persons you love know that they come to you even when other people think the worst of them. Know that I will be there no matter how terrible things look. No matter how bad the reality.
I will do my best to understand your reality.

I want you to know that.

Maxi-pad

2010-12-19T00:56:00.000+08:00

The above title is fair warning that the following post is not funny. Take heed and beware. I just want to talk about myself some more.

I fell asleep last night and woke up in December. It feels like a holiday again you guys! I haven't felt like this forever and not because I was doing much but because I haven't felt as excited for a long time. Damn I'm excited!

I don't know, maybe it's because Chellius zinged me up with her sudden bout of amazing spot-on direction (which makes me wonder if she has always had an okay sense of direction but I've been misguided because of she has loud squawking arms).

The Reasonable Man was probably the worst super-hero idea ever. It seems now quite likely that when he popped up in the stories those law books tell he could have been to me that boring good old white Protestant man, slightly stout but had had an honest job in his day that allowed him to retire politely and whom after having a daily snooze by the fire place with his wife's cat warming up his belly after tea would walk out to catch that stupid Clapham omnibus my poyo A Level teacher kept stressing on while raising his hat to women and acquaintances all the while holding on tightly to it in case in blew off. He also went to church on Sundays and paid his dues to God and to State religiously and had little squabbles with his old wife. I think I pictured Mr Twiddle. Damn you Enid Blyton, you really set the foundation of my imagination.

Or maybe I should be damning my lack of imagination and ridiculous uneducated and naive stereotypes but fuck that, Wayne Morrison looked like that. He was angry like how a more educated Mr Twiddle could be too. And he was red faced just like how I imagined. That must then be the standard of the average white toad. Or maybe dear Enid Blyton, you made law slightly more interesting, I luff you?

And then I spent all day today watching Greek. And I tell you that Casey Cartwright's father is even more boring than she is. He was the single most blandest blend of white male character ever, that I cannot believe that he really is the average American reasonable man.

Imagine if he had a sarong wrapped around his waist and a pair of spectacles on his nose. He might have a pretty respectable carpet selling business or he might not but he always, always has a family. Stretch him further you might have a Malaysian reasonable man but then a debate would be struck up on the average reasonable man dependent on the race. And then someone might confuse race with religion and the whole May 13 thing will be used as a reminder of what could happen if we run on racial politics. Could. If.

But then again, back to me. Yesterday was pretty fun Chellius and Meeragus. Can I call you that? I don't know but I don't know how else to end your name with an us.

Farmadickly, I totally missed you yesterday. We didn't have a set target and all Chelle did was call me out on how much I like talking about myself and then take me to places that remind me of that stupid Dark Water and Ringu. It was okay, but boy I did wish you were there. You just whine so and then pretend like you didn't. Waa waa waaa. Waaaa. Waaaa. Waaaaaaaaaaaa. I can hear you dumb fuck!

Maybe it's because January round the corner actually feels like the beginning of a brand new year and not like some I'm not really sure what month it is but I think it's December though its really in the middle of the fucking school year which shouldn't be in December because December's are fucking holidays! But aren't because fuck May's around the corner.

Is a good feeling. And I like pencils.

I saw a little punky-pine.

2010-12-10T17:48:00.000+08:00

Oh life is bigger, bigger than you and you are not me.

Once upon a time, there was a little ma-duu running through fields of rice being chased by a motorbike with a screaming kid on it. Ahhh cried the ma-duu, aahhhh cried the kid.

The mother kangaroo was hopping fiercely behind the motorbike trying to catch up but the motorbike had a mind of its own and it wanted to run the ma-duu down. Run the ma-duu down, run the ma-duu down it chanted to itself every time it revved its engine.

Where do we go from here?

Let Me Out

2010-11-26T12:21:00.000+08:00

Have you guys seen this? It's so old I'm almost embarrassed to share. I heard about it but never checked it out till today:

http://saudigirl.blogspot.com/

Go see. My luck its still up...

How many times do I have to say that racial slurs are stupid not seditious?

2010-11-25T17:07:00.002+08:00

When I say jump you say, "How high?"

But other than that the whole point of my extremely lame post about how evil male Indian doctors are cos they smell like fartie poo poo and plantation and toddy and BO and wife beaters is that it is ABSOLUTELY UNEQUIVOCALLY CORRECT to say bloody Indian when referring or speaking to one.

Afterall it does boil down to genetics like for example, I am genetically an ass. Take my father for example, he put an egg in his pocket so that he could at breakfast get the Squinty-eyed, munny minded Ching Chong Hawker Stall Lady in the ratty t-shirt to put it in his food. No surprises what happened to it. He came home to change and yelled at us. Ass.

Fuften glasus of mulk on the wall, just take it and go!

Indians are pariahs

2010-11-24T09:07:00.001+08:00

I thought the first time I went there, the doctor was just a dick but I didn't think it was because he was Indian. Went back today, same place cos I needed an MC. The mother fucker didn't treat me or ask how I was feeling. He just sat there dumbly and waited for me to speak and then he just scolded me for being rude because I told him I feel really shitty today. He also brought in my parents which I think now I should have yelled at him for but I am a stupid wussy. I cried. Unfortunately I do not know how to cry in front of people to evoke sympathy so I cried for no fucking reason all alone in the car at the sheer horror of what I just went through but I did get my MC lah because the nurse asked me if I wanted one. Should have told her for the rest of the week though when she asked me for how many days but duh I am not bright enough.

And yes, I totally believe that both doctors that I encountered are the way they are because they are Indian and they think they're all that. Racist much? Yeah! I never ever in my life experienced such horrible doctors before. Sitting there all posh and thinking they're somebody because they earn 20k a month and their mothers tell them everyday that they're perfection in gods eyes. Idk how Indian women treat their men but it seems also like they have to compete with their mother's in law so I'm pretty sure they dote on their men too just to keep them interested because if not that asshole's just gonna run back to his mama.

Can you believe I saw the doctor for 5 minutes and for those 5 minutes he was scolding me for being not being as verbally correct as him because I told him I feel like shit. What the fuck. I don't get it. I really don't.

I felt judged both times I was at the clinic. The fucker looked at me like I was dirty yesterday and didn't even explain my illness to me even though I said I never had it before and I wasn't sure what it was. He just looked at me like I was stupid for asking him if there was anything else I needed. He didn't even say anything other than finish the antibiotics and hygiene and then looked at me like bitch I'm done fuck off please I have other people to see to. I thought ok, maybe I am an idiot and walked out like the pathetic cow I am.

Indian fucking male doctors. Who the fuck do you think you are? You are so nothing special. Sitting there thinking you're all that because you have a degree. Fuck you assholes. You made me cry. Probably nothing much to you cos you beat your wives every night cos you're drunk as fuck and need assert your alpha masculinity. You really are nothing more than a rubber plantation pariah with a shiny degree in a painted white room to present sterility when your fucking clinic is probably as gross as your Indian BO. Indians were brought to Africa to be slaves so think bout that, you're so low you scum of the earth that you were slaves to slaves, no need to act like you're better than everyone else.

I don't think I inherited my parents dislike of Indians because I used to think Indians were hot and as normal as everyone else. I know better now of course: they are nothing but disgusting. There is nothing more correct than calling an Indian a bloody Indian.

A choreographer in a wheelchair?

2010-11-22T19:46:00.000+08:00

So once upon a time there was a little pod who wanted to fly. He skipped the stage and went directly to film. The dog was the king of porn but it wasn't too great. I'm the king of the world said his bitch.

So I'm not particularly sure what is going on anymore.

Where's the poop pooper?

2010-11-22T13:25:00.000+08:00

Dear people who read this blog,

What the fuck are you doing? Why are you reading this? Can you please go have a life? Can you not read this because it is embarrassing and you judge and yes, we are really this dumb and racist and misinformed, no we will not change our stripes. Who are all these random people who read our blog anyway? Why are you here? What are you doing with your life? Can you not smell the poop?

To everyone else,

Hello, here I am again, desperado for your attention for I am a whore. Please read my blog, I am awesome and unique and different.

Lotsa love,
Chloius

Something Unusual, Something Strange

2010-11-22T12:09:00.000+08:00

There is this guy.
That I'll obsess over for days on end.
I'd take a break from that then I'll pick it up again.
Off and On. Hot and Cold.

There is something immensely attractive about men like Damien Rice.
Heart-breaking voice, intimately candid lyrics, beautiful face and music building
and building up into the kind of free that makes you want to jump off a cliff
because you know you'll be broken.
But you'll be free.
You'll be hurting but at least you're feeling.

You'd want to give everything to men like Damien Rice.
It is the kind of behaviour that makes you the second rate being that some men paint us women.

But for men like Damien Rice, women are a kind of fantastical being.
Creatures of power, of beauty, wonder, fear, awe and to touch would be to feel all these.
And so men like Damien Rice lust and yearn to be with them, to learn, to seek. To lay their taint.

Then they leave.

And we have given everything. And we are broken beings.

Men like Damien Rice will stew in their pain.
He will carry the blend of his and your sorrow.
He will hurt and be hurt so he may have a story to tell.
And you will give even when you know it will destroy you. It will change you.
He sings. Screams. You sing along. Scream.

The mystery and intrigue of men like Damien Rice.
You know. But you will.

Would it be worth it?
I'm 23. Fuck yeah.

plushie jesus please

2010-11-22T02:08:00.007+08:00

Dear all, i apologize if you wanted to read something funny all you find are my friend's intellectually stimulating blogposts.

sigh, political discourse on my blog. how i yearn for the days of stupid discussion on the properties of our colons. since when did my friends become so clever that i have to read twice to grasp their academic point? (perhaps they always have been and i just jokingly laugh it off and hope it is a phase that passes)

i wanted a plushie marx. he'd be my best friend. but he looks like albert einstein and it'd be a tragedy that people think that i carry an albert einstein plushie so stupid. i wanted a plushie socrates but he's kinda boring cause he dresses like zeus and people would mistake him as a plushie zeus. that's so weird.

P.S: CHRISTIANS DO NOT FIND THE FOLLOWING HUMOROUS SO IF YOU'RE CHRISTIAN PLEASE SHIELD YOUR EYES. (my christian sister does NOT find the following funny and i am thoroughly disappointed because i do).

so ive decided the most iconic plushie is a PLUSHIE JESUS.

imagine the wonderful things you could do with a plushie jesus. "ive got a friend in jesusss"

and you could take jesus out for ice cream at baskins and say

"Its okay jesus, the jews just make ice cream now, i dont think that they'd crucify you if they saw you okay?"

and id take him to church and id show him around, "See jesus that's the pulpit where they read out your messages to us every sunday on our brand new sunday-sabbath. "

and jesus would be like "HEY I DIDN'T SAY IT LIKE THAAAAT"

and i'll be like , "Jesus, sorry but if i tell them hey church people my plushie jesus said you've got it all wrong, they'd throw me in christian prison because im a heretic that made a graven image of jesus that tells them THEY'RE WRONG"

and jesus would be like, "but chelle I AM JESUS THEIR MESSIAH"

and i'll be like, "yes you are but you're MY PLUSHIE JESUS TOO"

and we can go for walks and i can show him what automobiles are and i can scare the hindu cabdrivers with my plushie jesus .

Rethinking Malaysia.

2010-11-20T11:17:00.001+08:00

I must be on a posting spree or maybe I'm just sober just as I was yesterday ROFLMAOWSOBFMN which translates to Rolls On Floor Laughin My Ass Off Whilst Snorting Out Booger From My Nose. Yay abbreviation dictionary.

Whatever.

Sekarang saya akan bertutur dalam Bahasa Melayu sebab bila saya cuba cakap blabla dalam Bahasa Inggeris otak saya tak berfikir apapa.

Agak menakutkan saya rasa.

Omg, maybe it's cos I'm in a Malay house?

Racism is stupid not seditious. I am not rousing or provoking or stimulating controversy. I am merely stating what my stupid brain stupidly excretes...

Pure AWESOMENESS that is.

I see we have a Seditition Act (Malaysia) that prohibits discourse deemed seditious which is anything that results in "hatred or contempt or to excite disaffection against the government or engender feelings of ill-will and hostility between different races".

Really? It's illegal too? Good thing nobody but the villagers get excited about racial discourse. Oh fuck, they're in the city too.

Apalah Malaysian Social Contract. I didn't sign nothing ok, basically it's just my luck I was born right?

What are we talking about again? I don't really know but the title says something about rethinking Malaysia which was really a book I saw in my bug eyed buddy's daddy's library and I thought hmmm, how try-hard to be intelligent can I be today?

This much :

Our history is not real. Which fair enough, goes the same with pretty much every third world country and really every other country just that maybe they didn't blatantly make up so much of shit nor cover it up so badly as ours did because our country really relies upon our lack of education as their stronghold upon our society.

It's like the powers that be sat down and had a brainstorming sesh of how to keep us dumb. I find it quite disturbing that our parents came from the last generation of people who had had interference by another society because our history books make it seem like it was AEONS ago when we were colonized and given a capitalistic future. Our country is so young. It's lame. All it took was a couple of generations and the scariest thing is like it's still Work In Fucking Progress.

Why the fuck are we so damn complacent and lazy and fucking comfortable? How the fuck did we get this way really? Who told us we were? I remember our history text book saying we were good and brave and hardworking and all that jazz, seems like those traits are dying with our grandparents who fought against the commies and shit. Ooo, my sister's friend's grandpa fought in the resistance against the Nazis. That was fucking cool I thought. But his other grandpa fought against the Comunists like our grandpas and that's kinda fucking cool too.

We could've been cool I think but we're now more of butt stupid. We're like the laughing stock of the world really. Eyes on Malaysia? Hey, you should have thought about how well we can stand up before you decided to promote that.

We're crumbling and it's making me cringe.

Racial slurs are stupid not seditious.

2010-11-19T16:16:00.005+08:00

That was the title of an article I happened to glance at whilst taking a poo on the loo. Not a clue what it's about but I'd like for you guys to know that I am so bored and done with my job. I hate how it's so full of shit, I hate how exploited we are, I hate how weird the people around me are, I hate how the calls disrupts my story book reading. I want to quit to read story books you guys...

Blah.

Not sure what you guys were on about previously, too wrapped up in my own poo of course.

Do you reckon a blog full of racist slurs might go somewhere on the internet?

I hate how money is so necessary.

I want to look cute for free, hello?

Doesn't hurt to be sober on occasion.

Garth Nix is a good writer I think, it's only been 10 chapters cos of the damn calls that keep popping in uninvited, but I really want more. It's a kiddy book I know but I always love those kinds and this one isn't written like the Percy Jackson books which feels amateurish and let's not even bother mentioning anything else because Riordan is like the best of the people who shouldn't have been writers but to my anger and confusion are.

How's Farmadli, people been voting on urbandictionary?

I tell you everyday my sis and I have vocab conversations where she explains to me what random abbreviations mean and I tell her to read the dictionary whenever she doesn't understand a bona fide word.

I do miss blogging, haha so mucha fun and no filter one. Love it.

Racial slur of the day - Is it fair to equate AIDS to the colour black?

Also, is it ok to use the fact that I still do not have a degree as proof of how intelligent I am as opposed to the poor fools who still believe a degree will take them places? Omg, I am quite horrible and offensive aren't I? I think I might have mocked one or two people by asking them in my stupid I'm superior voice if working in a call center was a career for them instead of a job.

Shitfizer, you remember when it was the them and us Chellius? At the gross mamak and your sister was the them and I told you I always wondered about the others outside the big church group and now we are? What if all those times I wondered about the mental people in hospitals and how they end up there and I end up there one day? I mean technically it probably wouldn't be too bad - regulated meals and activities, lotsa free time to do what I like doing which is dreaming and sleeping and reading and writing. Maybe they got medical marijuana... It'll be like 420 there every time... Right?

Bali?

final frontier

2010-11-16T21:24:00.002+08:00

i will be talking about this for a long time.

before i start: ameera, your company sounds scary i know its easier said than done but maybe its better you're on the outside looking in as opposed to the inside and wanting to die annd they discover you don't really like them and it blows up. and clingy and dependent? i dunno on who but you're welcome here cause i have a motormouth. your office has politics though, so i think its best maybe you dont mix mixy buddy with them cause it could be potentially vicious....

in other news i looked at my flight ticket it is under my name and is non transferable and its for the 19th of february hahahahaaha and we land in some weird indon airport. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*MEXICAN WAVE*

will be back on the 22nd of october (so those of you who want to come along, please do book accordingly)

the most amazing thing happened today. i found my athens password. IT WORKS.

*MEXICAN WAVE*

that i think is the best thing about uol, the athens password and their textbooks. everything else is spacedog fagbot ccb. I CAN FIND INTERNATIONAL LAW ARTICLES FOR FREE ON HEINONLINE KISS MY FAGBOT SPACEDOG HEINONLINE FOR ASKING ME TO PAY FOR YOUR STUPID ARTICLES. HAH.

kiss my fagdog ass CAMBRIDGE JOURNAL FOR TELLING ME I CANOT ACCESS YOUR DOMAIN I HAVE ATHENS, YOU CAN SUCK MY SPACESHIP.

i had to explain to someone today why we hate hart and i proceeded to blame it on hartbinder. i explained hartbinder as this villainous entity that plots against other kind lecturers and how he tries to kill us

I'm the Doctor With a Needle in His Arm

2010-11-11T09:14:00.000+08:00

I thought I was the only one feeling left out here.

Turns out, there are one or two others who never really "get the memo" for little colleague farewells.
Take today, my usual lunch buddy ditched me so she could attend a small feast she contributed to. I wasn't invited to contribute so I cant very well invite myself to attend.

Perhaps it's not a loss. We all know I will tell myself that. And believe it.
I think it's the right way to go about it tho. If people don't take the time for you I doubt they're worth your time.

I'm also not the only one imagining frowns and ignored glances when you make it a point to look and smile at everybody.

So today I'm going to enjoy my break with another bunch of people who don't really fit in here. Two others if you're counting...

Rain On The Pretty Ones

2010-11-10T21:00:00.003+08:00

Your useless lives don't speak to us
Rain on the pretty ones
You leave no footprints in the dust
Adventurous you used to be
But now you seem so dead to me

I so love this song.

Anywhoo, office filter is working its charm again.

Can't blog from office until I can.

I hope you guys are well. I think I'm just starting to realise how clingy and dependent I have been...I need to learn not to be. Because this feeling isn't swell anymore.

Set Me Free of My Disease

2010-11-08T15:49:00.000+08:00

Hah! The ban is finally lifted!

I guess everyone noticed the dramatic decrease in internet efficiency. How can they not?
Before the site blocks I could pop 5 tabs and all will load almost simultaneously.

Good riddance.

Other than telling you that Kota Damansara has awesome dresses, I have not much else to say.
Boy am I glad to be back here.

Heightened Stalker Tendencies

2010-11-05T05:08:00.002+08:00

Hello. I am a stalker.

Within 24 hours, i've sent mails to my favourite comic book writer and comic book artist. 48 hours ago i did not know that either one of them had facebook. after one of them friending me (yes he friended me) i found that he was friends with OTHER comic book writers that I LIKE.

so insane one from india, nother one from uk and they write for completely different comics and yet they are FRIENDS.

i wrote to the author of lucifer a creepy message.

dear mister mike carey sir,

i know you get crazy insane mail from crazy insane girls by the truckloads and im really sorry i'm adding to the pile, i'd just like you to know that i think your work is amazing (i forgot what other nice things i wrote) but i added "i'd give up my hair, fingernails and other random bodily functions to write half as good as you" and also "i've googled you specifically just so id know what comics you wrote and id get them".

i know i sound like a crazy person. on another note abhishek singh replied my message. can you see a singh with NO TURBAN (looks slightly like the other unturbaned singh i find attractive from brickfields not nipple shirt one) really. HE CAN REPLY MY MESSAGES ON FB DESPITE BEING A CELEBRITY.

so ive mailed mike carey, abhishek singh, now to mail neil gaiman (heh as if), paul dini (actually i dont think i like him enough to send him an insane message) and the random alex ross or whatever his name is (i dont think i like him enough to send him an insane message). hee hee ehee chelle's stalking is happy

HAPPY MURUKU DEEPAVALI VALTUKAL SPACESHIP INDIA ELEPHANT PULUKURI KOTTAYA FUFTEEN GLASSES OF MULK TO EVERYONE

Out There

2010-10-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

Dunno if ya'll will like this any but I do love it so. From The Good Wife.

Experts At The Fall

2010-10-29T17:44:00.003+08:00

Yes that's from a song by the way.

I'd like to share a story. Filled with childhood innocence. And semi-violence as all stories involving children do.

So Gabriel and Daanish share a couple of hamsters. Out of complete boredom and that charming thing called curiosity, they decided to paratroop train their little furry friends.

Step 1: Grab a bunch of tissues.

Step 2: grab a couple of hamsters. Hand one to a friend/accomplice.

Step 3: all this in hand, head to 2nd floor of house.

Step 4: Tie as creatively as you can, the tissues to the hamsters' arms and legs. This would be quite a task requiring tons of tissues and much expertise. Small hands help.

Step 5: Preparing hamsters for jump off. Wind sounds are Ok. Whoosh Whoosh.

Step 6: Drop them from the 2nd floor. Watch and see from the railings.

Step 7: Head to landing zone on 1st floor to document results.

Results: Both hamsters appear still. On further investigation, it can be confirmed that they did not survive the fall.

My little cousins were quite pleased of their discovery. Apparently they should've used plastic for parachutes instead. Nina might be traumatized for life.

Curiosity does kill.

Did I mention that the hamsters died? When they fell from the 2ND FLOOR?

But who knows maybe it could've survived 17 floors if tried. Acceleration zero, air resistance and all. It is possible.
Though the complete and proper story will have you rightfully conclude that its chance of survival is actually a matter of whether the hamster is dropped from a high enough altitude. Not from every high place.

Why thank you too.

If I Go Crazy Then Will You Still Call Me Superman

2010-10-21T11:41:00.000+08:00

hahaha your fascination with turbans is very amusing Chellius. I've never considered the importance of having a Turban friend. I do feel it might be good to have one tho. Also, you should get that t shirt.
Not the nipple one mind you because I always see this non-turban wearing Bhai wearing nipple shirt in my head and its not a pretty sight.

I have 3 company profiles to write. Too bad its got to be corporate and professional like. I'm sure I could make it a bit....less formal.

I forgot to say: Congrats on your promotion Chloe! Did they take it back tho?

Here's a secret: I'm addicted to sugar water. Only at office tho. It's not like I go home and make one. Ok so maybe not addicted. Reliant. To stay awake and perky. I mean for goodness sake its barely 10 am and I'm looking at when I can go home to sleep.

I'm starting to wonder if I want to really get into that t shirt design business I spoke about. Something like a Threadless tee Malaysia. Yes I'm well aware I spoke of opening a cafe and I still want that but it seems less realistic compared to this. More costly too.

I Wanna Push You Around

2010-10-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

Yes it was a rant.

Sorry about the mail Chloe. I guess both our offices have protocols...but its kinda weird since you should be able to communicate with other companies...

You sound like you've had a crappy day. Hope it gets better by noon. Why tho are you having lunch in the morning?

Tuttifruity, I love you.

2010-10-20T08:26:00.000+08:00

I had this WTF story of how I came to work but this dude came up to me and asked me why I was late and then I told him and it's too boring and I'm too lazy to repeat it yet another time so fuck it.

Dear Michelle,

You should write about the three days you were in love with Jonny. We need something ridiculous to laugh about here. The most ridiculous thing going on in my life is the callboard is blinking red and I'm Autoed In but nothing's coming through because I have the Gold and Silver priorities. When the fuck did I become a senior here I ask you? I was new 2 fucking months ago! And I still dunno if I'm confirmed or not but I do think that I don't mind if I have all this time to blog. And then the luxury got taken away cibai chod!

Dear Meera,

Me no understando your last post. I assume that it is a rant?

Everytime I wrote a long email to you something happened. I got quite depressed after.

I am now cheating again because the last call didn't hang up properly so I will drag on the phone call and OMFG, he might be making yet another call... okay no, he hung up.

I have lunch now. NOW? Who wants to have lunch at 08.25am? I don't but I gotta.

I have no petrol and no money. My mum gave her credit card to me and the chip couldn't be read. Also my phone is out of battery...

I will see you guys soon.

I want to fly a kite.

Love,
Chloe

Why Try To Change Me Now?

2010-10-18T14:27:00.000+08:00

This is the first time I’m experiencing this. Never had I a friend who did not share what they brought from home. I myself could not fathom bringing something if I did not have enough to share.

No, the usual situation of an unfortunate background applies not here.

It is a friend who came up to me to say that they had brought something from home because there was too much cooked.

So.

What will you do for lunch? Tapau?

Uh. No. It’s ok I kinda thought of going home for a bit (thank God I have the car today).

Haha yes your house is pretty nearby.

Haha yes only 10 minutes or so.

Okay then, see you.

Yeah…sure.

Hell of a person.

God Put A Smile Upon Your Face

2010-10-12T11:36:00.001+08:00

Holy -. You actually put my text message here haha. But how come Pinklet won. Watch out Pinklet I’m gonna get me some points.

Coldplay is so awesome. You can lie in bed and listen. You can dance to it. Draw. Read. Daydream. Sleep. And er stuff. Like romantic stuff. There I said it. Somewhat.

I’m reading a book on how to write reports. I might have to teach a class here. I wonder if I can slip in random juris stuffs. But man a book on proposals and reports.

Yes. Says Coldplay.

It’s funny. I just realized. I haven’t been lying in bed with music and thoughts in a very long time. Work and class do take away from life. Friday I’m taking the KTM to class after a loooonnnggg time of driving to college. I bet it’ll seem even more horrible than I remember.
But with my music in ears I can smell the sun.

hahah was that line lame or what?!

Haiyo this is what emo sounds like to me these days. Almost hilarious. I am the content though slightly troubled. I think I really am getting older. Finally.

What's wrong with dancing round the water dispenser?

2010-10-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

I have to admit that I haven't read much of what was previously posted because I'm just that darn lazy. However I do know that your stalking is unsettling and yes, your speech impediment is fucking hilarious Chellius and that I always thought taekwondo required wonderbras.

The call cue board since I logged in today has been green. Our website is down or something and no one's calling in. I can only assume that when it's up and good to go tomorrow our call cue board will be blinking red.

CHOD.

But anyways, Farmadli in Urban Dictionary is awesome. I wanted to add to it but I didn't know how.

So gay.

The Glove Compartment Isn't Accurately Named

2010-10-05T12:04:00.000+08:00

You guys I found such an amazing band I want to weeeeppp.

Go here and here and listen to the Vitamin String Quartet's tribute to Coldplay's Clocks. Then listen to anything and everything else by them.

Haiyo why must I discover this at work. Now I want to go home.

There's male model lookalike in BAC? Interesting. Good thing I'm still going there.

No cute guys huh. Hopefully you can hold out till next year then we can go on 2 week Europe tour and go to nice places. If I can somehow get rich by Christmas, that'd be a good time to see you too.

How can you know what things are worth If your hands wont move to do a days work?

2010-10-04T12:31:00.000+08:00

Congratulations Chellius!
To pass CLP on first try is a miracle enough.

Here's the cafe idea that's been dogging my thoughts. So pretty.

Fufteen Glasses of Meelk

2010-09-28T15:15:00.002+08:00

I have to organize a self defense session for office this month. This is absolutely exciting news. I cant wait till Friday so I can play my micro legos. They're still sealed away.

I'm going to pay a visit to my Taekwondo Master (gahaha spell-check tells me that Taekwondo is wrong and it should be either wonderbra, wonderland or wonderment) and ask him bout corporate rates and sessions. I hope he wont hate me too much for leaving. Ya it's Master. It'd be cooler if it were Sensei. But that's for Aikido. Jap stuff.
Haiyo this is giving me the heebie jeebies. He's like an icon for me coz he's the best Taekwondo instructor I've ever met. I dunno if icon is the right word tho. It sounds pretty silly.

Fufteen glasses of meelk Chellius!
Oh btw Farmadi is available for definitions on UrbanDictionary. Ahem.

Gobbledigook

2010-09-24T11:20:00.000+08:00

Chellius if I didnt know what a bolster was I'd think you were talking about a random cat breed that kene gantung outside your balcony...

I feel like going home. I'm so nauseated. I wonder if its because my tummy is filled with too much water, chicken essence and kaya buns. But I cant vomit because its pretty empty. Ever tried vomitting with an empty stomach? Not good.
You need to vomit something so you wont feel much pain. You'd still feel week tho.
And so I'm popping the rest of the mini buns...hopefully I wont vomit because the whole thing is just troublesome. But 2 words keep playing in my head: vomit. now. please.
Okay 3 then.

I want to go home and play the micro legos Shahira got me. If only I could get paid for building legos....Is there a future in that? Only if I make good money doing that.
I dont care what you say about micro legos! I'm just so Goddam happy to have legos!

Also I want to continue watching supernatural.

Pace is the Trick

2010-09-21T11:15:00.000+08:00

Chloius where are you?

Chellius, you're right. I forgot that I didnt think much of rednecks. But the dressing example is more like I suppose applies to Malaysians as well. The extreme example being the rednecks. Anywhoo codename ben didnt give me a proper answer. Only that they dont really have a restriction.

I've always thought they did coz some extremist Christians claim modest dressing just like how extremist Muslims feel you must wear a burkha. So I thought that it would be there because of the 7 sins and fight against evil, lustful desires and the like.
I kinda assumed it was an explanation designed to protect the rights of ben.

And the fact that you dont really see nuns wearing short stuffs. No pants either btw. What about underpants? I wonder if that guy's wife wears underpants. Strictly speaking they're just really puny pants.

It's quite a funny article. I didnt know in something that's supposed to be "factual" can drop name bombs like "Hippies". Like they're a particular race or something....

It's got tons of similarities to how some Muslims see it tho. Like why you put on makeup or how long or tight your skirt is. The restriction to dressing like the other sex is also mentioned in the Quran. Although I think in today's world, pants is also considered clothes for women. When you think about it the Arab men also wore/wear long robes like women... It could be to mean "...that makes one look like the other". At least that is how I see it.
For example, those Korean boy bands, by gosh they dress in "male clothes" but I swear sometimes I think they're women. Or trying very very hard to be.
And also we're supposed to look at the Quranic meaning according to how it would apply relevantly today.

I found this stand up comedy group called Allah Made Me Funny. I have not watched them yet so I cant say how funny they are exactly but its a pretty cool concept.

I also found this funny write up by Hassan Skodeng (not real name of course) who wrote about how TNB is sueing WWF for Earth Hour, reproduced here. It's satirical of course, that's why they're dragging him to court....people can be so stupid. His blog header should already explain the content but some people cant read and process at the same time.

I cant wait for lunch...

Give Me an Hour to Clear my Throat

2010-09-17T09:43:00.000+08:00

Hi you guys.
Office is so quiet today. I wish I went ahead and asked for leave anyway. It's like being taunted coz everyone at home is sleeping comfortably with rain pouring outside their windows tucked snugly in their beds. Haiyo.

Thank goodness la the Quran burning didnt happen. I kept thinking about in during Raya.
You have a point Chelle about how the lines might get blurred. In fact I think in the US it is blurred. Maybe not US alone too. Lots of people think all Muslims are the same. All crazy BBBs. Except the women. But they're collateral I suppose since they associate themselves with the Muslim men.

Actually Chloius, I guess in some ways saying Muslims did it doesnt really offend me. It's just a bit disturbing. Somehow I feel that those bastards who flew those planes were the small fries. Even the guys who claimed responsibility. I like the conspiracy line of argument. Bombs inside building, the US needed a huge ass reason to invade Iraq etc.
I guess I get annoyed that people tend to point to a Muslim and automatically equate them with terrorists. The whole religion is called the devil, oppressive.
I've always wondered, doesnt Christianity speak of women dressing moderately? Because if you see photos of rednecks or some of the southern states in the US the women have got the cross on a chain round their necks with a deep cleavage and really puny skirts. Is this ok?
Btw this is a general question because I got weird answer from codename "Ben".

If only Friday was the only working day of the week, everybody would be so Goddamn happy I tell you.

Since everyone like quoting lyrics as post titles here: The Dog Days Are Over

2010-09-15T11:58:00.003+08:00

You know Meera, I have to admit that your post threw me a little. It was so very angry and I honestly had no idea how to reply it. I felt like I had to dissect the post and agree shamelessly that your anger is justified. Which it is but, but so is the rest of the world's anger at (cos using the word Muslim might offend you, and the word terrorist just is too religiously ambiguous) turbans with shaggy beards (or their wives who like to help also) and bomb devices made in the name of jihad. But it is alright because afterall, this place is a platform for bullshit so alriight, we accept all posts written in whatever state of mind the brain is at at time of post.

Mr Terry Jones is to the Muslim community what turbans with shaggy beards and bombs are to the "Christian" world. I actually want to say capitalist because I personally feel christianity is capitalism only religious but I digress.

Stupidity.

It's our favourite comfort zone. What more if it's mass stupidity. Stupidity, one of the few things that are standard worldwide and through the ages. Stupid doesn't get smarter, it just get's stupider, accumulating, snowballing into 9/11 and quran burnings and unending amounts of anger and hatred.

Think about it, in a country whose president's swear upon the bible when they come into office and they had a building blown up by turbans with shaggy beards from the middle east declaring loudly a jihad of some sort whether legit or not is not important here. Them rednecks are gonna get up and say OOO, let's do something SHOCKING! Show em who's boss here, we're the capitalists, we lead the economy. Let's show them there on the other side of the world that we ain't afraid of yew cos we got GAWD on our side and he's our might. Just like on the other side of the world some redneck Arab said look at those mother fuckers, think they're number 1, think they're right all the time just because they own the economy and basically sold to the rest of the world bullshit. We got God too man, let's show them WE'RE not afraid of them.

Lalala, that was a very stupid example but in a nutshell, what we're going through is a war between east and west for ultimate power. The East wants its time to shine again, and the West is struggling tooth and nail to retain their seat. The media helps as always. Whatever I say. I don't have to pick a side if both sides are stupid beyond reason and represent things I do not agree with.

And moderate and radical are just as prevalent in Christianity. Only thing is, for some reason we must be radical for God but moderate in our thinking meaning that Mr Terry Jones is an extremist cunt but we'll wonder if that's what being radical for God means. Get with the times? What times? Nothing makes sense so you show it the middle finger and dance along happily.

Which fuckwit came up with these things?

Pull The Blinfolds Down So Your Eyes Can See

2010-09-08T10:35:00.003+08:00

There are few things that makes me want to cry.
Okay maybe not that few...

Did you hear about the Quran burning day this coming Saturday? Some stupid Southerner pastor Terry Jones plans to create a Quran bonfire to remember the victims of the US' most popular modern day disaster. The guy says (the very same guy who purports that Islam is the devil) this isn't to go against the moderate Muslims but it's to teach the extremists a lesson.
Look I have nothing at all against honouring those that died during the horrors of 9/11 but seriously will Quran burning do anything but incite more hate? Dont we have enough of that going around?

Does it make sense then to say, "Hey imma burn down this mosque but no offense to the moderate Muslims I'm just trying to teach them extremists bastards a lesson not to mess with us Americans"?
Does it for Godssake?

This has been in the works since July if I'm not wrong but they've confirmed everything for this weekend.

Did you hear how some people are saying that since Raya also falls n Sept 11, we'd be celebrating our "victory" over the 2001 events?
How ridiculous is that?
We are celebrating the end of one month's fasting smart asses.

Geez seriously? Could people get any more stupid?
The guys who preach all this crap about how one is out to get the other are the people least interested in forging peace.
All they want to is to be right, over and above everyone else.
This is so freaking messed up.

Letters to Poor Victims that I might Visit

2010-09-07T02:42:00.003+08:00

ok so i had to write msgs to ppl who my dad knows in UK. they're like half chinese and half white and they looked white when i saw them in uk but grow up to be chinky. damn funny. i wrote this but it became too offensive to send so i thought i paste here.

Dear Kris,

Hi there, you might not remember me, fret not, i only have a vague recollection of you myself. I write this letter because i may be going to the uk to prolong my academic suffering. Am going to Warwick, the university that you had rejected because you were accepted into Cambridge. Us third world children are not as intellectually fortunate.

By the way, I lie about not remembering you. Not much of your face. I have a strong mental image of walking on you when you were peeing standing up. It was my first encounter with a human being requiring to pee while they stood. Initially i wondered if you were anatomically challenged but i discovered later on it was because you were a boy.

I also learnt that westerners do not seem to like this strange invention called "the lock". Tis no matter, I've learnt to knock when I want to use bathrooms now. And I will be coming soon to your house since you westerners love to invite random people over to your houses. Knock knock.

i deleted it cause i sounded like a murderer wei. aiya you two really ike your dadah music i really dont like deathcab

Darling, Now Dont Put Down Your Guns Yet

2010-09-06T13:49:00.000+08:00

Yes.Im still quoting Editors. Or Tom Smith whichever is the cutest.

Haha Chloe I only read your post like 2 minutes ago.

Chelle, if Malaysia practices MR we'd have no government. All of them now will have to retire......
Especially you know who with the explosiveness and all...
I wonder if I can wear hair wrap in office.
I thought of getting pink highlights...

oh them soldiers, my mom was saying when they had an Ustaz over give a talk he'd asked if anyone had any questions, they bombarded him with questions on what to do if they have sex before marriage or what about anak luar nikah and all....so so stupid. We put our safety in those hands. Where brain not functioning or producing logical thoughts...

Chloius,
your crush story is so cute. But why must he be gay haiyo.
I'm settling into work too I guess. It's a bit like school sometimes. Except its not half day and has no school holidays. Ok so not like school. Except I still dread Mondays.

I'm playing some stock exchange game online. I shit you not. I cant tell how well I'm doing or what I'm doing. But it seems fun so I'll probably study it a bit. And there's chance of winning real money...

See I'm that bored. Also Im arguing at random forums about whether can say Assalamualaikum to non-muslims or if non muslims can reply. Some people are purposely annoying and stupid I tell you.

OK! Official invitation: (I'll also send text message in case Tay Lai and Farhan and Sharon and Dev dont read this...) Come to my house on Raya, 10 Sept. From 1.30pm onwards. Lunch tea anything.

This can be the extent of racism.

2010-09-05T19:06:00.001+08:00

So I'm CHEELEENG with these two Indian Indians and we're watching this Chinese singing show about CHINA's first girl super band or something (they sing old folk songs or something Idk) anyway, this one girl thought that it was a competition and every song had a different three girls and only realised her error after the other girl told her no, they're all the same three girls. Every song the girls had a different outfit so she thought they were different girls meaning that all it takes for her to assume the same Chinese girl is a different girl is to change her clothes. I just thought of her sitting in front of a dressing room helping a Chinese girl choose an outfit out of many and every time the girl changes and flips open the door to get approval it'll be someone new. It's like that stupid memory loss case in 50 First Dates. Just racial.

Good morning Monday, which is when I'm assuming Meera would be reading this. The two Indian girls are now watching another Chinese movie and one is translating for the other... This has to be the funniest thing I've seen all weekend. Now they're making up the words as they go. It's like Iron Chef only for some gay drama.

It's a Stephen Chow movie.

I hate that it's Monday tomorrow. I'm kinda thinking that I miss the long endless stream of Saturdays...

Ha? Merdeka pass already ah?

2010-09-03T08:30:00.000+08:00

Ministerial responsibility? Apatu?

I had something to say earlier but I forgot, but it's okay. I cannot wait to get out of here. It kinda sucks that I cannot play with the random word generator during work hours because I get shit loads of random calls. Like take yesterday for example: I picked up a call from the very same guy I had a crush on when I was 11. Flag 1: he repeated my name is the same perky way. Flag 2: his date of birth, embarrassing or not so many years pass already and I still remember! Flag 3: his mother's maiden name was who my mum bought he kereta from. I was like omg, should I ask him or not? But then 12 years of omg, I had a crush on a gay guy so I malu.

But anyway, I'm hungry. I have no car. I am actually settling in to the mundane life of having a job. Everyone thinks I'm going to decide to not work anymore on my own very soon, but I actually foresee myself here til April. After which I am going to Thailand. I WILL GO TO THAI. I also asked my dad if I can do tefl already. Dunno where though damn sad.

KL was a ghost town on Merdeka and the only place open was this lazy ass KFC where during lunch hour, the idiots working didn't expect there to be any customers. Actually they just stupid la cos duh, only open place within vicinity. Surely got a few sesat companies with no holidays. They look at us like angry we come to eat ok... Hahahaha.

Hello my dadah music friends

2010-09-02T01:02:00.002+08:00

I see that you two are flooding the blog with references to indie and emotional post rock bands that i secretly like to listen to but will decline that i have ever heard of them.

ameera, chinese people are black. apparently black people in australia are south indian. and apparently malay people are imaginary (think about this one for a moment and question your own reality).

i read your list about angry stuff like what the big people do with our money. i wish they'd make robots and replace our govt servants. at least they'd smile better. and the affirmative action in our country? frankly ive only been affected by it in form 2 when i couldnt masuk kelas pertama cause im india and melayu kids had to be 25 orang in kelas pertama yang mengandungi 45 orang. the rest were chinese. got like two indias that did better than me. so i went to kelas kedua. cause i am india.

i thought id add on your list.
1. why doesnt malaysia practice minesterial responsibility? i dont get it.
2. i hate how they cant decide to make our science and maths in english or malay.
3. actually, i hate how our country is tearing down our old stuff. gee u think ang moh come to our country to see what, concrete buildings and shopping malls?

i come from a land where the first lady's hair resembles an executive chair
our women love to seduce white colored men
we are too lazy to have a military coup
and we drink tail soup

chloius: let us go to thailand and teach english to little sawahdeekah children. YEAH. and i can do hair wraps for tourists and charge them 30 quid cause they dont know its not that expensive

on another note i was watching the merdeka parade and i saw the tons of soldiers dancing and i wondered:
how many of them would have had a rape charge? cause i suspect there were many.

My Watch Makes My Hand Sweaty

2010-09-01T12:07:00.000+08:00

Chloe she sounds a bit like bjork ya. A bit.

Her voice takes getting used to ya.
I'm still so addicted to Tom Smith's voice. The curly haired lead vocalist of Editors. And he's cute tee hee.
And he's got such an awesome speaking voice. And singing voice. When he says/sings/shouts "Darling" I kinda want to die. Ok not die, but like faint maybe.
And when he sings "I'm so sorreeee for the things that we've done" I want to yell SHUT UP I FORGIVE YOU.
This was supposed to stay in my head but I'm in such a weird mood.
I'm happy but hungry. Eh wait I think it's hungry but happy. And a little bored.

Tomorrow is buka puasa for the company. Bit freaky coz there are sponsors involved and the setting is a little out of my hands... hopefully it'll be ok.
We're about to start making cookies and kuihs so I think I'll be seeing less of all of you. But you're all invited for Raya!! Stay till malam ok, there'll be fireworks.....

Today was a good day at work for me haha

2010-08-30T17:24:00.002+08:00

ELLO back at ya Meeragus! I can tell from your last post that you are annoyed and frustrated with our system (also can be read as people/majority/government).

You know we can complain all we like; question as intelligently as we like; be as angry as ever but the only response we'll ever get is the ever insulting "You don't understand" nonsense they give to foreigners or "We are very unfortunate, if you don't give us the right to be entitled to take what we do not deserve or work for, we will fade into obscurity so please pity us because we control everything and also as a warning note our wives have been known to blow up our whores before."

You know our civil servants can be so "lazy" that when transferring our EPF files from paperwork to computer, they can miss out on keying in people's benefactors and details meaning people have had their money unlawfully taken from them. Only thing is with regards to this, they do not discriminate racially.

That's bullshit for you I say.

But on another note, I think I am going to do TESOL and live on an island. Anyone with me?

And as an extra, every time I transfer a call to our main flight booking center and I fall into cue, I just chill out and listen to the music playing. There has been this one song that has haunted me ever since I started picking up calls. I managed to google the right lyrics today hahaha (meaning yes, I have been trying to figure out the lyrics for the past 3 weeks).

And live in which I think the singer sounds even more amazing :

But have a nice day, I'll try to find that other song that I like too haha :)

Sushi on the Side

2010-08-30T10:43:00.002+08:00

Hullo Chellius and Chloius. And everybody else in alphabetical order.

I’m really angry.

I’m sorry because my first post is about me being angry. Well not about me that’d be boring.

But first:

Fun fact: A little girl said Faruq has a mean face. She also said I have a cool face. Thank you little girl.

Fun fact 2: Malaysia is the only country in the WORLD to provide affirmative action to the majority. Other than Africa. But for the latter it was to combat racism. Now……this country isn’t doing that is it?

Fun fact 3: Chinese South Africans are classified as black people. Haiyo I laughed my ass off at work when I read this. So they do have a right to rap and wear baggy pants and lots of bling and go yo yo yo or have a gang….my dad was wrong after all. They’re not trying to be black. They are black.

But the Africans have their problems too. Now only the black elitists get jobs or top jobs while the rest including the whites are marginalized.

What have we learned? Any policy based on race, religion or sex becomes discriminatory.

Even if you were to put it forward without intention to discriminate, to see these differences and make it a fact that one should benefit more or less because a colour, a race, a state, a situation a religion, is poor, unfortunate etc, is grounds enough for prejudice.

Affirmative action is meant for disadvantaged people. For historical reasons like slavery and oppression. Please la don’t say the ethnic majority here were….

Last night my mom was talking about her income tax. My mom and dad pay their taxes every year and yet time and time again there are thousands of RMs of suspicious ‘unpaid’ claims made against them. What the hell? Seriously.

Where the hell is our money going to?

Short answers (please):

Submarines that cant submerge.

Useless fancy ass confusing ghost towns.

Expensive “research” vacations.

Funding for the “unfortunate wives” shopping spree abroad.

Funding for “unfortunate bright young minds” education abroad.

Buying fancy cars for THEM.

Building fucking palaces and mansions.

Aiyo I’m fasting I shouldn’t be using all these words.

Fighting over a stupid stupid puny Island.

Bloody space visitor hoo-ha

You get the gist.

Now you get angry too. Then we can go out to dinner and eat sushi. God I want sushi

Yay Chellius!

2010-08-28T17:40:00.000+08:00

Mr Sigmoid, please do not explode on Chellius when she is in cold place.

Dear Chellius,

Remember, you must be part of Indian community when you come back. I know they say work, but they really mean marry and then cook for their sons, comb their beautiful hair for them and bear them beautiful children who will disrespect you because you are not just a female but a mapalapa-papa. But no worry, they will like you because you are fair and lovely (just make sure so are your offspring or else their son can have affair and convert).

Love,
Chloius

PS: Also, say OLA to Meeraga :)

Wind in hair lalala

2010-07-07T12:45:00.000+08:00

Dearest Chellius,

I give people ear infection cos I talk so much of crap. It's true, the bugger went to the doctor.

But in other news, there was once a little old woman who lived in a shoe. She touched all the children they ran and screamed for Abu.

Otherwise I am just listening to Bjork's orgasmic music. And pining away for you.

Love,
Chloius

PS. Marc Antony, my bum is on your lips.

PPS. Chellius, there is a rainbow at the end of your indigestion.

Chloe I so stress I blog

2010-06-29T03:11:00.003+08:00

Ok i wasn't stress i just thinking of too many funny things i cannot study.
first i thought of a horrifyingly funny pickup line.

"monogamous sex perpetuates stupid."
"get away from me scum."
"my intelligence is overwhelming me. lets be stupid together babe."

i have also thought that it is rather ironic that you can contract chlymadeia (omg my spellcheck isnt working cibai) from birds and cats. the two animals that have been chosen for special human anatomy euphemisms (omg my spellcheck not working cheebai)

"my bird has contracted chlymadeiawaia"
"my you-know-that-word-that-is-before-cat-that-starts-with-p has contracted chlymwaiwhai"

i am also thinking about my nepali guard and how he is so cute. if he was like six feet and wore a really hot tshirt and was like smoking cigarette and look like he ambik dadah going to die, you want to marry him and have dalai lama children right? i know i would. but apparently they got india names like raja and shit. my facebook got alot of nepalis their names end in gurung. that's like gurun plus gunung.

if you want to pick up nepali i hear the word for ass is "kondo" if you didnt remember the precise word i said in the car. so when the hot guard say
"tag" with his cute smile you reply
"kondo"

i also got reply from the letter i wrote to the speed dating club. i ask them to send me boy that ok wait i show you list

1. six feet tall
2. boyfriend hair
3. boyfriend glasses
4. knows karate
5. has larger upper lip than lower lip
6. he knows that the labour party is not a party full of people who work in fields
7. he knows iron maiden is torture device and a band (you have no idea how important this one is)
8. knows that malaysia actually has a constitution that is muddled up amongst other jurisprudential problems

ya he doesnt exist but exists in a multitude of people hahahha. life very difficult ok now i must study.

She touched us inappropriately

2010-06-03T23:45:00.003+08:00

Chloius started everything. You see lets pretend we have a time machine and flashback for chloe:

Chloe speaking:
I just remember we ended up outside atc. She never left ever.

Farhan
She did leave eventually.

chloe
yes she found a group of awesome people who like to be touched in appropriately
do you remember after atc
she like you know wast there right and i swore that rubber face of hers, man i was scared.
she got a rubber face dont yout hink so? what kind of face you think she has then

farhan
scary

chloe
hey this bitch right, say she's going to type a blogpost but she's just typing down everything we say. she liked porno what was the shit that she used

michelle
you remember you told me you saw. i had to erase her search history. don you remember

chloe she touched me inappropriately. it was horrendous. i had to yell at her stop touching me

farhan

michelle dont you remember the time she said she saw you peeing

farhan story:
before s: got rainbow and birds singing

And then Michelle got bored.

And then the story ended abruptly.

But I punched Farhan in the nose.

Monkey, donkey, spooky, I dunno what happened.

After our trip, she booked seats for us and we thought oh, how nice of her, finally someone wants to be our friend.

But she leered at us as we sat next to her.

Scarily.

Eerily.

Rubberily.

The belly button dawned upon us as the beginning of the future.

Or maybe the lip glossed spurned everything and Mel went "HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" but she followed anyway and acted like she wanted to see some PENIS.

To be continued...

Angry Tranny

2009-12-10T03:24:00.003+08:00

Dearest Chloius, (and everyone else that reads this story)

i think i made tranny angry. i feel really bad. ok initially i did because i called her a tranny instead of makeup lady at metro. although to think about it calling her makeup lady could be even more degrading than a tranny cause at least tranny entitles you to being fabulous and fakely tanned. being the makeup lady does not.

ive always hated those people that refer to trannies as trannies or shims. because i watched transamerica. i like lynette scavo and her son in the transamerica movie was hot. so i empathized with her need to become a woman.

but this tranny was really crazy. she started yelling at me for touching stuff. and i waslike sorry. but evidently sorry wouldnt cut it the way her nipples can cut glass when its real cold in metro. she started yelling about how i had to pay for the entire bottle but then what a moron betcha she wouldnt let me keep it cause u know she wants to wrap it up. ugh what a weirdo.

and i had to leave metro cause she was freaking angry with me ok. i wanted to run away. gosh u know whats the worse part. i cant remmeber what she look like cause my head superimposed by janice dickinson adi....

chellious is scared

Teacup our imaginary friend

2009-11-26T11:39:00.003+08:00

this is teacup

for those of you who have not seen her, this is our new imaginary friend teacup. her full name is Teacup Aretha Franklin, but you will just call her Teacup and Cuppie for short. cuppie like the little doll lindsay lohan had in parent trap before she became a crack sniffing psycho that dated heath ledger.

Teacup is imaginary. She lives in an imaginary world, therefore the laws of physics in her world will be different from yours. that is why gravity is simply a needless logic to her but oh so important to you. she likes to pretend she is underwater because she can see bubbles float in front of her. it would be nice to have a bubble as a pet, because they make great pets. but then they pop and never return. unlike christians.

grownups cant see her because they are obsessed with unimportant things like the economy or the gaza strip. she doesnt think that money will help these people. she believes that meteor showers and rainbows will. she was born the same time the leonids came back here. the next time they come back, she wont be thirty three. because she doesnt age.

teacup is a midget. she can see at night. but only with one eye. the other eye just sees things. like pie.

govind told me to tell her that dolphins are friendly animals to be your friends under the sea. she doesnt want a dolphin. they look like they're smugly smiling all the time. as though they're more intelligent than you. she finds them condescending and pretentious.

facebook evil

2009-11-26T11:34:00.003+08:00

sorry im spamming the blog with random pictures but imma leaving work soon so i thought id share my doodles with you lot. this is chloe's brain leaving planet earth because she is too often on facebook. the facebook monitor is fanged and evil looking cause facebook is generally evil.

if you look at its tagline: Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life.

wtf do they want you to share? just sharing in general i suspect, or sharing your connections with your friends and as though the people in my life requires any further connection and thi sis just some cracktwat method of fb telling you that simply connecting with your friends is not sufficient you must share stuff with them too.

so your brain leaves cause facebook takes it and eats it during cyberspace lunchtime.

To 20 grams of awesome power.

2009-11-19T10:38:00.004+08:00

Prostrate exams are funny. Why? Because it's so anal.

Cue laughter for extremely unfunny joke.

For what it's worth, my head is accelerating.

I wish I had more apollo layer cakes. I'm procrastinating again.

I really like Placebo. But I want to listen to that other song that made me super happy only I don't know what it is just that it made me happy.

I want 20 apollo layer cakes. Twenty.

Smileys.

Also I may or may not have had the best nasi lemak in the world. Well it was very close to being the best nasi lemak in the world. If only it had more ikan bilis and peanuts. Only if the egg was the teensiest bit gooeyer. If the sambal had a tad more salt in it. It would have been perfect. Thinking about its possible perfections made it so damn amazing though. Nasi lemak, I wish you were still here with us and not being churned round my tummy. I forgive you for leaving though and understand you had no choice. Goodbye forever nasi lemak. Goodbye.

Would You?

2009-11-16T14:07:00.002+08:00

Hi there. Would you go for lunch with a

1. Disembodied brain
2. a piece of talon
3. the Antichrist

and the rest that are equally scary?

ya you'd eat junk food in the stairs alone too ok.

Selamat Hari Cendawan

2009-11-10T11:24:00.003+08:00

Epic playlist week again. So to commemorate Hari Cendawan and compare awesome music with Chellius:

1. Storm - Godspeed You! Black Emperor
2. Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol
3. Jumper - Third Eye Blind
4. Celebrity Skin - Hole
5. Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn & John
6. Bouncing off Clouds - Tori Amos
7. Make This go on Forever - Snow Patrol
8. I Miss You Now - Stereophonics
9. Running Up That Hill - Placebo
10. I Know You Are but What Am I? - Mogwai

There you haves it.

SELAMAT HARI CENDAWAN everyone

2009-11-10T11:16:00.003+08:00

hi selamat hari cendawan everyone.

here is my special playlist to commemorate hari cendawan.

techno playlist

1. Universal Mind- Liquid Tension (ok i know its not techno but it makes me happy)
2. Weapon of Choice- Fatboy Slim
3. Push the Tempo- Fatboy Slim
4. Guitar battle vs Tom Morello- Guitar Hero 3 (i think)
5. Satisfaction- Benny Bennassi
6. Criminally Insane- Angerfist
7. I am Not Drunk- Benny Bennassi
8. Dance with the Wolves- Angerfist
9. Spook- Angerfist
10. Earthquake- Angerfist
11. Too Weird To Die- Angerfist
12. Leave you Far Behind- Lunatic Calm (matrix soundtrack)
13. Butterfly Caught- Massive Attack

hahaha what an embarassing playlist. chloe your turn!

FREE ROBERT

2009-11-05T10:21:00.003+08:00

This is Robert the Frog. he is the frog that was hired to do our work. so everything is his fault.

we named him robert cause chloe said his name is robert. he was about to be decapitated but we realized maybe he shouldn't be.

if your plate jatuh, it's robert's fault. if you don't do enough cells at work, it is robert's fault too. please free robert from this froggie enslavement. we feel pity for this robert but cannot help blaming him for all that is wrong in the world.

person #1: oh no think of all the children starving in the slums.
person #2: it's all robert's fault they don't have food.

person #1: oh no, think of all the wars happening around the world and the people that have no houses
person #2: it's all robert's fault they started the war.

so you see... robert is responsible for all that is wrong in the world. poor robert :( he must be freed from this heavy responsibility.

love,
chellius

i am so depressed

2009-10-26T16:34:00.003+08:00

i am so depressed cause no one remembers that they're supposed to pay us yesterday. im thinking today is the 26th, one day after technical payday, therefore making it automatically the rightful payday.

but noooooooooo. its half past four and im still rehearsing my "oh-why-how-lovely" smile when i get my pay, a perfect mix of demure, sweet, grateful and yet tired from work.

bah, i tell you. i got conned CONNED. why no one is paying me WHY WHY WHY? dont they realize that i need the money? are you aware of the mathematics that makes me equal to a proletariat?

work + wages = enough for bare sustinence.
work x 2 + wages (still the same as upstairs) = bastard die adi
work x 1 + wages x 2= makes me a bourgeouise. which i am not.

HELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CAN YOU HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL .

latest update: she's on leave. omg ok omg.
i'll have no money FOREVER. i will need to STEAL MAKE UP AGAIN FROM CARREFOUR in like three days. THREE DAYS omg
my eyebrows and moustache GROWING OK like HANTU ADI. in a week i'll look like a HOMELESS BOBCAT
and ya i got no new clothes in the last three days. can DIE OK. hahahahha.

she really on leave i saw her door. i saw . btw chloius can become troll ok. hahaha champion troll

neglected posts for infection/anatomy of the day

2009-10-26T13:41:00.003+08:00

today we not so word generating crazy. but chloe is being stalkerish on google street maps. and i can see antichrist laughing to himself quietly. maybe he's plotting.

anatomy of the day: oblong brain. you have oblong brain when you pretend to work at a mamak. you dont actually possess the requisite skills to take orders, remember them, do arithmetic in your mind and then shout at people their orders to put them in their places.

if you got oblong brain, you will play during your work hours, like humming little songs in dudu du with a blank expression on your face. and when its time for you to clean up the plates, you twirl your hands around and make whoosh sounds. omg antichrist look at me hahaa he knows.

you wonder why when you ask him to kira your bill, he stands there as you tell him what you ate, but then he runs away to dunno where, so you never really get to know your total. after that there'll be this nice lady who'll tell you not to talk to him cause he's

"oblong brained" ya well then apparently. i might've misheard her. but i heard oblong and i guess i must understand that if your brain is more oblong than most, you only sing dudu songs and make whooshing noises.

infection of the day: (speculative), its when the oblong brain man is actually a pigeon disguised as a mamak guy.

if you think about it, the oblong guy actually behave like pigeon, he makes whoo hoo sounds, and flaps around. and doesnt know how to count. or how to talk. so if you have an oblong brain, youre likely to be experiencing pigeon-oblongitis.

2009-10-22T14:05:00.002+08:00

Chloe compliments an overtone. Chloe learns its star without your species. Evil Dictator waves against the invalid. A twisted age decides around Chloe.

Evil dictator rates the orient faucet without a bugs scenario. The must reporter lends michelle fei loong. Michelle fei loong arrives opposite a headed mayor. Michelle fei loong squashes evil dictator after a developer. Why can't evil dictator view michelle fei loong?

Evil dictator challenges each robust fascist near the devil. Farhan boon siew assaults evil dictator. A pointless circuit noses. Farhan boon siew dresses without evil dictator. Why won't the assorted dogma glow underneath the cable? Farhan boon siew attends!

we discover the evil dictator is actually a redneck american

Around the significance faints the tag. Redneck American dances with Chloe. Against Redneck American collapses Chloe. An economy schedules a daughter. The test anthology transports Redneck American in the questionnaire.

Michelle reacts to the smart glue. How can redneck American rattle? Her unconnected typewriter smells. Under Michelle hurts the cooled specimen. Michelle treks inside redneck American.

Why does Farhan meet the clause? The protocol discontinues the egg. A drunken rear exacts Farhan below the confining baggage. Farhan forecasts redneck American around a stripped shelter. Farhan hires the damned above a fatuous mankind. When will redneck American wow an alarming closet?

A story of EPIC proportions.

2009-10-21T15:23:00.005+08:00

You may be wondering what this is but this is all that it is. Using a random word generator Marc Antony, Chellius and I created a story for your reading pleasure. The idea is to use whatever random word is generated to form a sentence (the caps words are the generated words) and from there create a story, each sentence relating somewhat to the last. Not only did chaos ensue, I got paid for it too. Unless the people of power are looking in on my screen now and saw that all I'm doing is having fun. Work isn't supposed to be fun. People here are very serious. Which is very scary for both Chellius and I. Please don't deduct my pay if you are looking in. Thank you.

One day, a bull decided to dive off a HILL to test gravity.
The bull flew in the sky and felt very HAPPY
Then the bull saw the clouds form random words like DISGORGING and didn't know what it meant.
While the bull wondered what disgorging meant, the clouds formed a CULT and chased him.
but suddenly the bull remembered the concept of gravity and asked the cult if they would FANCY a new pair of shoes
before he jatuh
The cult looked at the bull and sparked up a JOINT which they shared all around.
Suddenly, flying felt so NATURAL to the bull that he forgot he tengah jatuh
And right before he hit the ground he realized that he NEVER had a chance to try on a pair of udders and prance around pretending to be a cow
And that he hadn't EATEN his favourite food yet which is what he always wanted to do right before he died.
As he approached the ground he remembered a LECTURE he once heard about his favourite food.
And that lecture specified that if he came into close CONTACT with his favourite food, everyone around him would contract rabies and die but him
He also remembered that right before he jumped off the cliff an insane man had rounded him up and INSTALLED wings into his heinie
Using his new wings he flew off to find his favourite food, which was PIE, and ignored all the warnings.
He felt this strange renewed resolution to be alive and since he wanted to find pie, he also wanted to find his long lost girlcowfriend Nanululubelle and ask her to MARRY him and become prime minister of uk
He flew off to look for pie, and his girlfriend when he was distracted by the thought that he needed to check his appearance in the mirror to CONFIRM he still looked like Tony Blair only bovine.
Once he looked in a mirror, he put into action his master plan to win nalulubelle's heart by kidnapping the real Tony Blair and hiding him in a DUSTBIN
But in order to do this, he must move QUICK and stealth like an elephant, because if he does not, tony blair would realize a flying cow in the sky and this is not very common since the advent of the cow jumping over the moon during the reign of william and mary of orange
Another random thought flitted through the bulls head - that his ancestors jumped over the moon because if they jumped over the sun their balls would FRY
Dismissing the ridiculous thought, the bull decided the best way to lure Tony Blair out would be to use up all his internet BANDWIDTH so that he couldn't shop for makeup online and have to come out of his secret palace hideout
The plan was simple and yet effective. it was to capture tony's ATTENTION with something shiny like george's bush's ass and staking him through the chest with a stake. this was done in awe of his beautiful stunning face and physique
Before he could lure Tony Blair out the bull saw nalulubelle walking hand in hand with another bull and his heart was BROKEN.
As he sat and emoed to himself, he saw that the other bull wasnt actually a bull, it was a cow. Nalulubelle was a LESBIAN
just in case farhan was being a sleazebag that just has fantasies of hot lesbians, the enraged bull had to rub his eyes to double check the front of his nemesis: nanalulubelle's friend. and INDEED he saw udders and his heart leapt to his throat

He started jumping up and down in JOY.
He was so happy he ended up ACTIVATING his wings and flew away again
He thought hard about the places that he wanted to go to and realized what the HELL he forgot to take back his special box set of friends from his stupid nanalulubelle
and harry potter
the CUNTY MC CUNT
So he decided to call in the FAVOR nalulubelle owed him.
He began to question the EFFECTIVENESS of his wings as he realised he wasnt flying anymore
and he thought to himself oh DEAR how odd it must be to be floating in the air without wings, and realized he was the living evidence of that faggoty cunty mc cunt westlife song: flying without wings and wanted to die
Bull was upset that his life was such a disappointment but was DETERMINE not to let it get him down
His determination would not prove helpful as he slowly approached his GRAVE
Being hindu his whole life (being a cow) he wondered if Krishna would be mighty angry as he recited a HAIL mary under his breath since she is supposed to pray for sinners in the hour of their death or something like that
He looked to the light at the end of the tunnel but as he walked down he RECEIVED super powers and felt his life restored
His new super-INSECT-powers let him land safely. Thanking the hindu gods he then ran off to save the world
And then he realized wtf am i thanking the hindu gods when it was the hail mary that gave him divine safety. duh ex-hindu bullcow, and then he realized oh shit he should be paying ATTENTION to catholic deities now and converted on the spot
He also realized his super powers included wind and wanted to BLOW at someone.
He had trouble LOCATING someone to blow at because everyone ran away from the flying ex-hindu christian bullcow with super powers.
The square was empty but for one little girl that shouted: "HEY mister flying ex hindu catholic bullcow, what kind of faggoty mcgroin super power is that blowy thingy you can do?"
The ex hindu catholic bull heard a SOUND but decided to ignore it because with his super powers, he was like super man only with fourlegs and horns... plus, he looks like Tony Blair.
Ignoring all the calls for help he decided to go FISHING
He imagined fishing to be the end of all his adventures since only old ugly people go fishing. however as he sat with his pole, he fished out a fish that was of dazzling BEAUTY but spoke like Minnie Mouse which was a turn off
Did the bull forget to MENTION that he was related to Adolf Hitler?
Which is why the bull now advocated the SUPPRESSION of other species that were not bovine
Since this memory gave him some sort of meaningful direction in life he decided to set up concentration camps for all species specially fishes and to make them into REALLY depressed shits
Then he got hungry and ATE the fish.
Using his new direction in life and super powers, the bull started a RELIGION to ensure the supremacy of the bovine race
although he started a new religion, he didnt really have the BALLS to pick a fight with the muslims, cause they got bomb technicians and he didnt. yet
He used his superpowers to DESTROY the Americans though because they were seriously retarded and incestuous and kepochi. He also did it to instill fear and wonder into the muslims because as an ex-hindu catholic bullcow, he could appear to them in their dreams.
He then crippled the muslims by creating a crime SYNDICATE to give them drugs
But these poor drugged up victims needed to influence others in order for this hindu christian bullcow to be king over mind and soul. so he had to arrange for these morons to be HIP and happening. he gave them motorcycles to race illegally
He hit a rough PATCH eventually though when the motos started crashing into each other. Everytime he got a new follower, two other followers on motos would die...
So he decided that it would be safer to take away their motorcycles and give them LADDERs. So they could jump off them and get superpowers just like him.
Just as the bullcow suggested the ladder idea, the moronic drug induced illegal racers looked at him and said SOD off lah babi lembu, we want to rrrreve and rrrrempit with our motorbikes. ladders cant do shit other than be faggoty mcgroin
He then inserted micro CHIPs into their foreheads so they would bend to his will. It backfired though because of their lack of brains to control... they just continued motoing and crashing and revving their motos into each other.

cool swears

2009-10-21T13:55:00.002+08:00

Anatomy/Swear/Phrase of the day : CUNTY MC CUNT - insert whenever excited, irritated, angry, hungry, bored etc. Fitting for most occasions, can be used instead of fuck or damn or hypochondriac. Cannot be used to replace rajasingham's face so please do not attempt to make it fit.

Infection of the day : swearwordsitis - where every made up infection ends with itis - cunty mc cunt - and doesn't make much sense anymore.

Extra note to Marc Antony who a few posts back complained of the posts getting shorter. The posts are not getting shorter cunty mc cunt. Your eyesight is.

not-so-interesting-today-cause everyone is angry

2009-10-20T18:04:00.002+08:00

hi i forgot to put anatomy of the day: it is pelvic bone.

so why i talk about my pelvic bone? cause today when i got really scared and i ran to see my manager and i was like freaking scared cause he was like angry today. and i knocked my pelvic bone. i almost went down but i had to be brave and face my manager.
the pain was not as great as the bone crushing thing when i saw ameera. that was far worse.

my pelvic bone makes sitting down hurt. no matter how soft the chair is, it feels just like sitting down on a metal pipe. that's why when i sit on metal pipes it doesnt make much of a difference. cause im actually sitting on two pieces of bone.

my pelvic bone can fight crime. its injured molesters in club before. i bet if they were robbers they wuold've been hurt just the same. so that means they should make me into a new cartoon comic book character. pelvic-bony-girl.

infection of the day: u-have-a-really-bad-hair-cut

ok first of all if u look hot to us and you probably never really look hot in your life, you go and cut your hair into that bowlshaped thingy. now from the back not even cute ok. its ok i guess not your fault. that's why you don take out your jacket anymore. i suspect when you din come towork tha tday is cause you know we stalk your back. so you cut your hair.

"ill be so unattractive front and back, chloius and chellius wont find you hot at all."

why alot of people have the same haircut as marc anthony btw? its there this barber that shaves of chinese boy's hairs the way they do like thousands of years. i had this cousin that had the same haircut like that too. lucky i don see him anymore. duno where he is. i heard that he became a monk or something cause no one wanted to marry him. not cause of his hair. i think he was like a conman...

dear tony blair, my love, my dove

2009-10-19T17:50:00.001+08:00

since my system is down i thought i would be honest about something to you guys. i saw this picture of tony blair and something about the eu and i realized in my heart that i have been hiding this truth from myself ever since first year.

im still in love with tony blair. i mean after seeing his pictures in my heart i know that he is the man for me.

dearest tony blair,

u must understand that my love for you is real and true, because although people hype about obama being the sexiest politician, i actually dont think so. no one is as endearingly short as you and no one else looks so closely like a monkey the way you do.

after attending a few classes in clp ive recognized that my lifelong dream is to adopt a monkey that is suffering from rabies and i would want to nurse it back to health so it will love me back. seeing your photos made me realize that if i had you as the man in my life, it would be so much like that! you do remind me of a little rabid monkey and i believe that it is that quality that made you so beautiful in my eyes.

when i saw that man in the movie the queen it made me weep when i realized that you are no longer prime minister. and they got an ugly guy to play you. and an ugly guy to replace you. where is the scientific logic in that asking a totally ugly guy to lead your country? gee man, that's just illogical.

your wife cherie blair (god smite her as i speak) her picture is in my house. apparently she has met my uncle. i had actually sent him to meet her to ensure her swift death, then when you are a widower you will meet me and you will realize that your true place in life is by my side. however, my uncle being a great law abiding lawyer man, only decided to pose for a moment with cheri and give me that horrifying picture. i made it into a shrine of anti cherie, in hopes of one day you realizing that i am your true love.

oh how i wish that you would know that i am alive. tony tony, we could go and shop for makeup together and bask in our mutual insecurities of having uneven skin tones. oh tony, how i yearn for your love each time my system crashes and i google images your face. what would it take for you to come down to malaysia and then find your true soul mate?

with all my beloved sighs and pain and heartache,
chellius

the loveliest picture i could find of you i will put on my blog so everyone will know my deepset feelings for your handsome face.

EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL NOW

2009-10-19T11:53:00.002+08:00

Mondays are painful days but everything is wonderful now.

Anatomy of the day? Hair. Or lack thereof. Because Ben had a bad haircut. And Chellius puts ribbons and bows in her hair. And Marc Anthony has the dorkiest haircut ever but we saw this other guy with the same hair and spectacles who could have been him only much taller and fatter. Because Chloius has to cut her hair... Or at least wash it somewhat...

Infection of the day? Doilookstupidonitis - where earphones look like IV drip right before old men die.

Re: Mind reading

2009-10-16T12:08:00.002+08:00

As Chellius and I sit behind our computer screens and click, click type out shit into our computer screens, we are aware of how we're surrounded by mind readers. How do we know? Simple, we looked at the signs...

Ben: THE MOTHERFUCKER TEASED THE COCKSHIT OUT OF US YESTERDAY by removing his jacket and then putting it on again before he leaves... DICK! I HATE YOU! Just cos you have a sexy back you think you can mess with our heads... Mindfucker!

Gavin: He can google our computer screens? :S And also because we giggle like idiots whenever he's around la.

Possible convict guy: He knows when Chellius is typing shit about him and looks at her with his convict eyes. Either that or he actually think she very pretty and looks at her all the time and she only realizes when she says something about him because she's paranoid so she thinks he's a mind reader...

I think it's just paranoia. And the fact they can read our computer screens... Is privacy not sacred anymore? BASTARDS!

Imaginary friends

2009-10-16T11:48:00.002+08:00

anatomy of the day: wrists

why did i choose wrists? not causse they're bony. is cause its the place where convicts tattoo their prison numbers on. really. so say you have this guy that comes into your office and everyone is really happy to see him, you think oh wow must be a really nice guy cause everyone that worked with him is really happy to see him again right.

but then you realize oh my god, what if the reason why they're happy to see him is cause they're happy to see that he got out of jail safe?
when he's alone at work he looks really sad. not because he wants to look pensieve and sexy for women.
its because is remembering the time he is in jail. that's why he's really sad. not because its his regular expression. he was remembering all the men that found him attractive and he realized that he shouldve had his face beat to shit before he went to jail.

how do you confirm this? check his wrists to see if he has a barcode with his prison number tattooed there. omg he just looked at me, maybe he can see me writing this cause he's a convict wtih super mental powers.

infection of the day: tb or tumor-bunnyculosis

its when you think you see the tb everywhere. when you're talking to your friends, you see his face floating in front of you and saying your name over and over.
its when you are talking about something random, it comes over and makes fun of you and calls you a faggot when you're not looking.
and only you can see it. your friends cant see it. only you can hear it.
and it says you're evil cause you are but since you're in denial you tell other people that it is evil.

by the way, if you have tb, in 2004, there has been reported 1.6 million deaths from tb. so you have been warned. so uh, go and buy for me flowers because i know how to tell tb to go away from you. he listens to me. wonder why. maybe cause IM A NICE PERSON and you're not.

Japanese songs

2009-10-15T11:22:00.002+08:00

Japanese men have scientifically the smallest penises in the world and because I am now being forced once again to go through Japanese cells the anatomy of the day is the penis. If when a Chinese man runs into the wall with an erection he breaks his nose, what then of the Japanese man?

Illness of the day is Folon which is what happens when through hours of sitting in front of a computer screen you get constipated and talk shit all the time. I know someone who suffers from Folon. He has many names, none of which is his true one.

Chloius vs Marc Antony

2009-10-14T14:49:00.005+08:00

who knows the truth about the truth bunny? marc antony doesnt love truth bunny and told you its evil. but did you know this? he didnt tell you the whole truth. he just edited it and that's why the truth bunny is angry at marc antony

because chloius is so nice to the truth bunny. the truth bunny cannot help but be nice back to chloius

so you guys have to decide the truth what the truth bunny really is

2009-10-14T14:21:00.003+08:00

Greetings to everyone, this is Marc Anthony writing at a special request from Chloius and Chellius. Today I would like to warn you all about the Truth Bunny. Once upon a time, Chellius was at work and her msn wasn't letting her bitch properly. It kept censoring her worst comments and she had to resort to drawing pictures of pure madness to communicate. It was in this madness that the Truth Bunny was born.

In the beginning the Truth Bunny was a force of good. Bringing joy and happiness to all the children in the world. But one day it became evil, and began telling lies like "Santa Claus isn't real", causing great misery. Now, the Truth Bunny only lies and is mean to everyone around it. This is an example of how the Truth Bunny treats its friends:

A wise monk once said, "If you see Buddha on the road, kill him". It is greatly recommended that you do the same with the Truth Bunny, because he will only bring you great suffering and not because of any of that wise wisdom shit.

State of emergency

2009-10-14T11:02:00.003+08:00

As we get more and more insane, senile and demented (all of which comes with age) I would like to shout out our anatomy of the day to something that is progressively regressing - our brain; the source of our intellect or lack thereof, where our brainfarts stem from and go to die, where we create random words for lack of one that describes particular brain fluid movement...

Brain: Oh look, Brain is going for lunch. Do you think we are invited?
Brain: Eh, your brain up your ass oredi ah?
Brain: Apatu? (what a most unfortunate patient said to his doctor after a botched up operation)
Brain: Faarrt!

Since I am writing about brains in todays article, our disease of the day would make much sense if connected to the brain as well. So what then is our disease of the day? It's not new nor original - stickitothemaniosis. An illness suffered by children the world around that unfortunately disappears with age. It is an extremely awesome disease to have but most unfortunately not as contagious as we would like it to be. It is often said to be a dying strain on the cusps of extinction yet everytime it seems as if there can be no more tomorrows, which is what probably would happen when stickitothemaniosis is no more, a sudden burst of hope appears on the horizon and not all is lost. I say that it is connected to the brain because without it our brains would be nothing more than mush, churned and churned again, washed out and filled in with repetitive words we were taught to say. Also the safest way to ensure that you are infected with this disease is to keep your brain up your ass.

Stickitothemaniosis: Way to stick it to the man Marc Anthony!
Stickitothemaniosis: Listen to them! Can't you see that they are suffering from stickitothemaniosis?
Stickitothemaniosis: What, is your brain up your ass? Oh no, it isn't. It's up YOUR ASS! YEAHH! STICKITOTHEMANIOSIS MOTHERFUCKER!
Stickitothemaniosis: Faarrt!

We are currently in a state of emergency. Without our brains and stickitothemaniosis we will be sucked into the depths of repulsiveness filled with the likes of Twilight and Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. There are many of us fighting against the grain out there, please feel free to join in. We need you.

Extra: Constipation - what happens when Chellius and Chloius tahan macho...

today is the day for houses

2009-10-13T10:53:00.002+08:00

hi i want to have a theme for today. both my anatomy and infection will be premised on a common thread: houses!

the anatomy of the day (and be prepared to write a sentence that includes this word) isss: large intestine.

why large intestine? well because its the house that the colon lives in.

why large intestine? is because if you try to imagine life without your large intestine you realize that you are an unhappy person, you repetitive dumb dork. please dont ask the same question twice. you're trying my patience.

it is nature's waterslide for the useless. isnt it fun? for those who serve no purpose, they get to go on this WEEEE waterslide and then slide into shitty death. and its the colon's house. you should clean your colon cause then you can lose eight pounds.

it is also very good friend with your appendix. they are neighbours. so colon and appendix play together in the playground where their mummies can see them. if they get run over by their neighbours their mummies and daddies will be excited cause its one less mouth to feed.

infection of the day: europhilia

very much like necrophilia (ie: where necro means dead and philia means friend or whatever).
you like europe. you like everything about europe. you believe that eu is actually benign when its not. its actually mao tze dong who come back to kick your butts one more time.
you are also suffering from sarong party girl/(boy) syndrome where when you see white european people you get very excited because you think that finally you can marry european and become eu citizen and you will get free movement of person rights where you can run around free.

NOT

you are actually the spawn of satan once you touch the european ground and accept them into your heart. YOU MUST NOT. you must FIGHT AGAINST THEM. you must have the TRUTH inside your head and realize that the antichrist will rise from their shores. as third world country children, we must fight AGAINST THEM by buying sticks of dynamite and then bomb ourselves near their schools to ensure the child antichrist is eliminated.

end of extremist message

it's everythingaday!

2009-10-12T10:32:00.008+08:00

Hello, and welcome back to anatomy of the day coming to you five days a week from Monday to Friday. Todays anatomy is udders. That's right udders. You heard me, udders. Like, hey where are the udders going? Or, does that shop really say udders on it's signboard? Perhaps even ola udders, we is ze shiitz! I'll even go as far as to say oi you udders, stop squirting those peepole!

Why udders you may ask. I would reply what udders? There are no udders here but us...

Also, because in Singapore, they harvest milk from plastic cows that graze by roadside pastures and are green and yellow. They have udders.

Infection of the day? Areyouscaredyetitis. Also known as oh I drank milk from Singapore now I want to touch people in the dark and agree with ANYTHING!

Today special day?

2009-10-09T11:01:00.003+08:00

Hi chloius and whoever may be reading this

the anatomy of the day is: appendix
so remember guys the keyword today is appendix.

why did i pick appendix today? is because people say its useless. like we've evolved out of needing our appendix. like pagers. remember how we all needed pagers if you existed in the 1980s? of course you dont. its like men. how we used to need men around, however with the advent of sperm banks, women have evolved out of needing men. we just keep them around cause some of them can be quite cute.

generally it is well known to be just existing for your entertainment. it looks like a flower when its inflamed. and then you die if you dont take it out. i knew this girl who knew this girl who refused to go for an operation even though it was acting up. apparently she almost died.

but i wouldnt know. cause she say that she didnt want to go cause its maafan. and i dont even speak to the girl who knew this girl let alone if i know if this girl that knew this girl still speaks to this girl.

but then apparently now they say that your appendix might actually help your colon. so if you people have taken out your appendix and are really bangga that you got rid of that superfluous organ, think again. your colon might hate you forever now.

the infection of the day is: chia-mydia

very much like chlamydia, except that you will never get it through sex because the people that exhibit symptoms of this illness will die painfully and alone. most likely to be contagious if a bird decides to poop on your head.

symptoms include: foaming in mouth in his presence

pretending that you passed your second year and rabidly studying for an exam that you will only take in 2011

being sickly sweet to said bacteria however telling his other students to get him fired because he is a horrible person,

throwing random birthday parties just to serve him cake

and asking him stupid questions so he will notice you: "is the grundnorm edible?"

love, chellius

Excited

2009-10-08T09:50:00.003+08:00

KOE CAN BLOG WOOFUCKINGHOO!!!!!

Dear Chellius, we are at work. I think your anatomy/infection idea is ingenius so I shall do you a favour and start first.

My favourite anatomy of the day are feet. They look like hands but aren't. They are non-hands. Isn't that amazing? I know, I thought so too, that is why they are my favourite anatomy of the day. Amazing huh?

My favourite infection of the day is... Or should I say most HATED because you know, no one wants to get an infection. So my most hated infection of the day is andrewisanalitis because I just don't like him. Unfortunately also however, I can barely remember him other than his face looks like my ass.

So there you have it Chellius. Hope you enjoyed it and feel slightly more informed about life.

Love,
Chloius

saya seekor hakim

2009-10-07T01:07:00.003+08:00

hi i got short story for you. it can be made into a comic if you ppl can draw human being. i can only draw cartoonish animals. so i cant lah.

nama saya adil.
saya seekor hakim. adil dan bahagia.
saya adil sebab mempunyai ethickks yang amat berkuasa.
saya bahagia sebab tak perlu mengalami clp yang ngeri seperti budak bodoh ipts

saya dapat semua seratus dalam zaman ke-degree-an saya
saya hanya guna satu textbook untuk jurisprudence
saya mempunyai advocacy yang sungguh menakutkan orang yang lain
kata kata legal saya amat powerful seperti menjilat muka kamu
saya amat bahagia
saya adil

saya seekor hakim yang adil dan bahagia.

my alter ego is idiot and bahaya
i however dont tell people these things.
in case they dont think im adil and bahagia.

saya seekor hakim. adil dan bahagia.

chellius can see chloius

2009-10-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

hi chloius i can see you! you look like you're having happy time. hahaa.
i dunno why im blogging here. maybe cause i excited i have new friend at work. maybe cause i want to eat nandos really badly. maybe cause i havent updated cause i have been having soooo many adventures.

1. farhan and i play tanglung chase couples away and found the horrible hole
2. all of us play tanglung and chase couples away and kena traumatized
3. farhan and i go to cemetary and then got chase away by ghost dog and laughing evil children that cannot be seen.
4. then we burn all our textbooks yesterday hee hee hee.

textbooks that farhan bakar
1. hart concept of law
2. medical law cacat notes

textbooks chellius burn
1. hart's concept of law
2. cassese international law
3. eu craig and de bourca (book 1)
4. chia chee hong conflicts notes lol.

so bahagia bakar kesemuanya. so hangus adi. no one can pinjam my textbooks suck... HEHEHHEHEHEHEHE. so excited no more hart. he died. he bye bye and dieded. no more yuckie juris. maan i hope i pass clp one day. tak sabar to burn everything.

i just saw the stupidest trailer

2009-09-17T10:42:00.004+08:00

HAHHAHA I JUST SAW THE NEW TWILIGHT TRAILER. ok ok i think its got a different poyo name like dark moon or blood moon or new blood moon some shit like that lah ok. but its twilight franchise.

im just blogging to remind you lot not to contribute to this monster of a franchise cause remember, even though it goes to gsc (dont go to gsc i hate them to hell), so even if the money goes to tgv and some to the actors bla bla.

a portion of your measley eight dollars goes to THE HORRIFYING ACTORS and the HORRIFYING WRITER. ugh oh god. hahhahhaa.

anyway so i saw the trailer. i had to bite my baju to stop laughing.
ITS SOOOOO POYO.
got ppl try to ride motorbike so she'll almost die but then she like doesnt die ( ya i was hoping she dies but evidently the character doesnt die hence the horrible urh what three books of twilight? or are they more)
and the actress doesnt die cause apparently she will be playing joan jett in some joan jett movie.

WHY HER WHY HER PLAYING JOAN JETT. ugh. it gets this bad lah.
oh ya so she tries to kill herself
its so funny. its like edward cullen standing around everywhere like smoke and all ITS SOOOO FUNNY. and ya thankfully edward cullen still has the poyo angsty urh analretentive constipated face.

and then he thinks she has died so he wants to die too. huh i tak faham but his sister can go and find his girlfriend. the question is: how come he is so sure his girlfriend is dead when we all want her to die (like saddam how we all wnat them to die but they NEVER DO) and ppl like mj die even though we dont want them to die.

anyway. the trailer is freaking funny. its like da vinci code (ugh) meets turd. and da vinci code was already kinda turdish. their makeup is AS BAD I TELL YOU. the guy's hair is still like he cut off his janggut to tampal on his side of his head so it looks all ruggard.

highlight of the trailer: there's a scene of native american boys who lunge forward. but i suspect they might have airbrushed abs.
sigh.
and they're probably younger than me :( ok ya so i was at work when i watched the trailer. i tell you antm the first ten minutes is WAAAY MORE CHUNTEDFIED than this twilight piece of crap lah.

I HEART TYRA. she allowing ppl shorter than 5'7 ahh man WE CAN ALL BE ANTM TOOOOO. so ya you all ready for next cycle ok? I SUPPORT YOU. i can make posters.just that the poster wont look like you lah.

game fun!

2009-09-11T01:06:00.003+08:00

chloius, chellius and marc anthony today played many games.
first it started off with the arcade but then the para para machine was really messed up today.

and then chloius saw a bunch of tires lined up at the side of the road and said hey, we can walk on tires.
so then we all walked on tires like crash bandicoot, and tried to leap from tire to tire. although chloius fell down halfway but then she got 1up extra cause she eat many apples.

marc anthony found a wobbly tire and started to jump up and down on it because he is emotional and suicidal. and then he did hyper jump and landed in another planet.
chellius saw holes and freaked out and wanted to die. so they had to walk like crabs

then we went to find the cracks and secret portals. we had to walk on the crack for long time so our luck will be so bad it'll be good and then we found the secret evil garden of orb whatever.

chloius said it was dangerous but she and marc anthony ran there anyway. and then we play skipping rope with the skittle chains.

then they went to train to kill zombie. hopefully they are ok.

Ta-daaa electrocution berpenebat

2009-09-06T21:10:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time there was three little bears called bear one, bear two and MARC ANTHONY!!! These three little bears liked to dance and eat and sit around bitching about nonsensical shits. They like to scope out shit and tell Chloe that they have better shit to do. And there's one outside Chellius' house but then they don't want to break into that but they don't know how to get off the grid. You cannot turn off the grid from that station. You have to go to the headquarters to turn off the grid because the sub-stations routes the power. But Chellius' is sure that there is a way to turn off the power from that station. Marc Anthony says ok, get sledgehammer.

Use a plastic rope and pull it. Use Pikachu. Wear rubber glove. What? Those dinky little ones you find in the pharmacies... Those would melt. Oh I was thinking of condoms...

You know at times like these...

In the Midst of bein Stealth

2009-08-27T03:42:00.002+08:00

Hi, by the time you people read this you would have gotten your stupid london results that i don care about anymore.
ok so i decide to go awol right and then go online so i can secretly bitch to farhan about how im so stealth and avoiding the results since ananth smsed me that its out.

then mister wilson msns me
with the link. and i janji i wont check. but NOOOO i decide to check anyway.

this is at ten pm.
ten pm i tell everyone oh i dont care i will only check next week.
NOT. i really check ok.
and then well until 4am. which is when im blogging btw. ya i still cant get my stupid results. sampai i don care adi.
i can tell you myself my results.

Juris 41
EU 57
Conflicts 29 (serious fail i dont kid you)
PIL 57 (HAHAHA)

ya i already know. so whats the point? i'll just tell ppl i got those results lah kan? hee. not like they'd get any better. possibly worse but then its best to just tell them these results.

ugh london so incompetent, make server less competent than dota server. dota everyday zillions of losers play and THEY STILL CAN PLAY and ko only take like how long to reset server ok.
you university of london KNOW how many poor broke sad people have to ENDURE your shitassed course for like THREE YEARS and then i terima my results in the form of error 404.

i hate you UNIVERSITY OF LONDON GO AND DIE. arrgh i hate you.

oh guess what i googled the stupid link right. and i clicked like cached or someting. and then so the results page comes out right. and i put in my student id and date of birth and my candidate number.

so scared ok. damn tension its like wow my life comes down to this moment very soon my fate will be decided.
chi bai my fate is error 404.
damn hate you lah london. LEE FEI LOONG VERY HATE YOUR GUTS.
my grandmother also can make better server than you. hate you. cant believe my llb might come from you retarded pieces of shits.

oh wow i so bitchy and not yet terima results also. ya when i get my results i'll be more irritating than this.

heee

Farhan + Facial Hair

2009-08-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

Ok guys, guess what farhan has decided to keep his mustache. so i'll call him farhan from now until he gives up keeping his tache. if he gives up (or is unable to grow a stache) he will forever be known as marc anthony or jessica.

so is anyone wondering if its physically possible for farhan to keep a mustache? i'm more worried what it'll look like once he's grown it.

i mean what if he cant really grow it so all it can do is an adolf? then we'd be hanging out in burger king with adolf. so gross ok. austrian freak.

he had one testicle.

or you could go crazy and grow your moustache like salvador dali (ya apparently he has made facial hair his thing) areas past the mouth must be shaved. i dont really get it.
but apparently farhan would need styling kits for this. should we buy farhan styling kits? i mean imagine what you could do wei? you could style your beard into heartshaped and pony shaped shit.

he was also impotent. uh im talking about dali ya not farhan lol. that one i not sure lah i just read it in some random chinese book. hee hee.

ok ok so who wants to have like suggestions on how farhan should bela his stache? i think that he would look really good and very patriotik if he bela his stache into a scraggly 'najib-like' do. his brother already has a badawi stache right?

ok farhan just told me to write what i think. u know what i think?
i dont tink you'll grow a stache. cause you actually can't. cause you know i swear to god ive not seen your upper lip ever turn green before ok.

but you're goin to tell us:

"aww hey guys see i was like brushing my teeth and then like always i take out my razor and then uh oh i shaved it OK and man i know that i had a bet and all but its like total habit since i was twelve so ya i shaved even though i promised i wouldn't."

that would be your story lah. but truth be told, you probably realized aw shit man this moustache is so jarang might as well just shave it all off cause they'll just laugh at me and wonder if there's a causal link between adolf hitler's scant moustache and single testicle and i scientifically know there totally isnt but i can't prove it to them.

or here's a tip. even if you can't grow one. you can use eyeliner and draw on moustache. just get the brown one (cause black will look seriously unreal and fake and we'll totally know you drew it on). you can belikan eyeliner in mydin. dam near your house right?

o u kno what else works, you should wax your upper lip and then it turns black for a while and then you'll totally look like hitler for a month (id kno cause it seriously happened to me ok, not cool)

ok so guys do you really think farhan is goin to grow his moustache? i dont believe him cause he's just going to go out of his way and not make things interesting. and im also worried that if he does grow his moustache:

1. he cant be boon siew (for obvious racist reasons)
2. he cant be jessica (cause we assume jessica goes to bangsar to do threading)
3. he can still be super unsarky stache boy
4. he cant be suk yao (refer to #1)

i'll update if farhan actually grows his stache. HAHAHAHAH you'll look like TERRORIST OK. like al-farhannah terrorist where you bomb people with your human laxative abilities. omg farhannah is like a woman.
ok lah you doing feminism essay right? we make you farhannah until you grow your stache ok?

Sa wah Dee Chloius

2009-08-07T01:04:00.003+08:00

Hee heee, you very the thai adi right, sumore tanned adi like thai peoples. thai peoples very hot.
i think its ironic that you went to thailand before Farhan (i think to roman-fy him we will name him marc anthony) even though cause marc anthony and i both planned to go there like along long time ago adi.

omg perfect right? i mean we've got chloius, chellius, melius, ameera will now be known as amesar (like ameera + caesar) and so since we're all named after some sort of triumvate

chloius would be julius (you're from the first triumvate anyway but hoo it doesn't matter right), id be augustus, mel would be aerulius and urh ameera is just all the caesars, so i guess farhan sounds bad with any sort of -ius suffix, we'll just name you someone special from the second triumvate. marc anthony. you'll have hot babies with cleopatra and then you'll commit suicide cause you're running away from augustus ( hee me and i guess meera cause she is a caesar herself)

sounds quite feasible no? but i guess i'll accidentally kill farhan not really kill him like on purpose right cause he will be bringing me lucifer comic all YAY. ooo i'll post next time about death, lucifer, archangel michael (my new crush btw he is like sooooo hot) and urhm, sandman (he's so hot too)

anyhoo chloius thanks for fun fun day! and ebony and moonshine too!

ooo we rode on the merry go round which was like two bucks u know. it costs as much as it does to shoot zombies.
urhm, then i sat inside the children's ride ice cream truck to wait for ebony to wipe her snot from her nose.

but then the ice cream truck started giggling like CHILDREN GIGGLING u know like freaking evil children that have crossed over to the other side but are actually still here and evil but trapped inside an ice cream truck that is perpetually smiling.

ya chloius i know you heard the giggles this time. so i ran away.

ooo ooo and and chloius gave me NEW PIGEON FRIEND.
his name (its a boy btw, cause all my toys are usually female) and ive named him BABA BOBO.
according to chloe bababobo means retarded in thai. i dnuno if that is actually what it means.

but since chloe gave the pigeon (im not even sure if its a pigeon but i dun care cause i love pigeons) i googled the word baba bobo and i will tell you the pigeon's full name to:

ahem: FALANG BABA BOBO which means 'crazy foreigner' since chloe is a pelancong everywhere hahaa. i found a pic of a bird that looks a hell alot like baba bobo.

ive decided to assume its a pigeon since its the only bird language i do speak. and ya i have NEW friend that will travel many places with me now. he will chill with me and finally if im alone i can have conversations in the lift with my new baba bobo friend and he will talk back cause he is nice and has many stories to tell me about thailand.

baba bobo says hi to ya'll. he wants to meet all of ya'll and join in when you guys bitch about other malaysians cause he's a crazy foreigner from thailand and pretends to like malaysians but sometimes he doesnt. but he likes me and my toys hahaa...

i heart you guys. thanks for the wishes and all ok :D

Sawadee kaaaaaa

2009-08-06T02:53:00.007+08:00

OMFG!!! Hahahaha!!! CHELLIUS!!!!!

So I come back from BKK and I come online and then realize I can't go on MSN and I see on fb that I've come home on the right day to wish you happy birthday and I try to call you but your phone isn't turned on so I thought ok maybe I'll wish her on fb but then everyone else has also and mine wouldn't be the special wish it needs to be which was when I decided oooo blog post and I just had to fucking read that post and omg that is so fucking HILARIOUSSSS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
CHELLIUS!! AND uh.. Ameranus? and uh Jessica (tee hee), I AM BAAAACK!!

And I didn't just fucking go teehee ok. What the fuck?

AND AND AND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELLIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU BE TWENTY-ISH HEYY!!!!

And what better way to spend it than with moi - Chloius - back from BKK with uh... nothing that you asked for because I forgot every fucking thing people pesan with me because I got excited and I just uh... forgot...

And omg, I took my thumbdrive out of my car because I didn't want my brother to break it again or something shitty and I had it my entire trip in Thailand and on the last day I drop my wallet and lose it. I also lose my nose stud the very same day... Wtf right? FUCKING HELL MICHELLE ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHOONE!!!!

stealing makeup adventure with ameera

2009-07-30T02:14:00.003+08:00

today ameera (will not be known as ameer-us because of the american-us problem) help me to become makeup robber.

see im so jobless and so kiam siap (cause i saving to buy cantik flip flops) so i refuse to buy my makeup just yet.
what to do.
must curi make up from elsewhere lah kan. not like im gonna buy.

the math is:

1. i live next to tropicana mall.
2. i use the relatively not expensive loreal foundation (can be found in any drugstore one) but not as crappy as maybelline. crappy nonetheless.
3. so i would have to go to places that obviously sell makeup that i can campak on my face so i dont look like accident specialist burn victim unit person.

the places that are available to me would be
1. carrefour
2. caring pharmacy (what a gay name)
3. stage (this makeup i think for trannies cause all the pics of the chicks look like man)
4. bodyshop (but the shop is realy small and if i wanna use their makeup i can do it only once and fast too)
5. ok i think got no more adi.

so ya. i have approximately 5 places i can go and possibly rotate to carrefour occasionally since the store is so big.
yes ive even contemplated switching my almost empty bottle with the tester's bottle because there is no barcode on the tester bottle (if im not mistaken).

but i suspect that it equivalent to shoplifting. ya i dun wanna be like criminal all. just mini one. like abuse the tester.

ok so i told ameera to go through the front way instead of the cashier way we usually do. cause then the guards cannot like immediately cham that im going in for the tester only. i told her act casual like we were browsing for other stuff.

then go to the make up part.

iok sound like damm easy. but then of course not cause got this lady that sits by herself at the counter heavily made up like dam chun but then all she does there is just stare at the make up shelf that has gambar of heavily made up women.

ok so i needed ameera to cover me cause if the lady see me like pumping away at the make up and then realizing that i took more like half of the bottle of foundation instead of the dollop to try it on my skin to check the colour, then they get like dam angry right.
cause that would be like abuse of tester-thingy and you know them capitalists, cannot abuse them one, only they can abuse us by giving us bad consumer treatment (ie: only giving us really cacat makeup shades)

so ameera stood in front of me to shield me from the makeup lady while i pumped the make up in my hand. and all the while i was like "ok be cool, be stealth".
then how to stealth cause my hand dipenuhi oleh foundation. it was like dripping everywhere. and ameera of course i think she already ingat i bodoh but then i needed her to shield my hand. but it was like flooding.

so i had to stick it out like it was a burn mark or something.

"ok cool just act like its a birthmark." thats what i told her i was doing anyway.
and then we had to bypass the guards.

that was why i needed ameera there cause she can stand in front of me and keep me covered, so the guards dont see me with large amounts of foundation so they think that i mencuri.

and then we lari until the toilet so i can campak the foundation on top of my face. so ya that's why i dun wana go out anymore cause damm freaking maafan to get ready. i must go to shopping center to steal make up to come out of my house cause i look freaking ugly without make up lala.

ya so my adventure today.

to our other friends who have not had made up names for this blog
i'll work on it ok. cause i realize some names with the US at the back seem to come out sounding weird.
so maybe we name you all like urhgh.... Ameerar (like caesar)
and uh farhan can be faro (like nero)
mel you can be urh melus i guess cause melus still sounds kinda greeky acceptable. if if forgot anyone just mail me ok. i put your name on the side bar or something :D yay.

End of the World?

2009-07-20T23:16:00.002+08:00

Halloo poor chloius, i hope your lappie gets fixed in time and you have your old friends back to play with again online ok :(

i thought of referring to farhan as farhanus but i realized its an unfortunate combination between faraj and anus, therefore i shall refrain from doing so, because he would just be some sort of creepy walking target of rape.

ok, everyone is telling me about the mayan calendar world end thingy. and if you know me, you would know that i am obsessed with the world ending. the apocalypse, the Armageddon, end of times bla bla bla. but somehow, reading the mayan calendar world ending, it seems like as though everyone is just posting it up cause they're excited for some sort of apocalyptic event that has already been foretold.

meh, for me i dont really care. as far as i am concerned, if you're in an apocalyptic mess the only plus point is that you dont have to worry that you'll be buried in a plot that doesn't actually represent your religious beliefs (eg: if they plant me in some really christiany plot and have some really orthodox christiany non-speculative funeral for me id be really upset).

another good plus point is that your family and you die together and then you dont have to cry cry all cause you're all together! yay! kinda crappy if you guys get judged together though cause then your mother and father and sister know the shit you do behind their back laa...

but really? mayan? your world ends in 2012? i think its wrong. cause then they would've forseen that they end too right... did they foresee their own end? i guess not cause then they'd prevent it right?

at the time im writing we have about
1249 days
19 hours
44 minutes

ya. uh so im more afraid that people start believing it and start becoming criminals (eg remember 1999 and 6/6/06?) ya those weirdos who started doing shit cause they really thought the world was gonna end. gross ok. i hate those ppls. i hope its some crater or some antichrist being born though. cause then see, anything big that will happen will of course not hit malaysia cause they always forget malaysia.

im so glad im in malaysia. even if got antichrist launch world war, he'd probably forget our country. chloius i don think you're ignorant at all u know, btw. i think you know more than all of us.
cause you read alot of crazy lists... hahaa.

do you all think the world is gonna end? i kinda think not cause all the prophecies i read look kinda borrrrring. they should totally become christian. now that's interesting prophecy ok. gee mayans you guys are sooooo borrrring. convert ok guys :D

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream

2009-07-17T14:30:00.008+08:00

Hahahah! Hey Chellius, don't you feel like a superstar?? Some totally random person comment shit on our wee bloggie and now we can get super defensive over nothing and then rebut her the way that blondie does to all who oppose her superiority and make money weii ahaha... Alas, wrong country. Hahahah!

And fyuu, someone said we were ignorant. Or maybe just me. But if some idiot tells me I'm an even bigger idiot than they are I must be doing something right because you know laa, I like to laugh at supercilious pseudo intelligent entities mocking my lack of intellect because they're just making a fool out of themselves with their fake superiority. Which to think of now is, uh kind of redundant on my part but ahahaha what can I say? I am an idiot after all. Meh.

To random commenter - Hello! My are we grumpy... did you get dumped? Or did you get some even bigger pompous fool tell you that you weren't as smart as you think that got you down so you felt the need to smack down someone you feel is lesser? Or are you just one of those random internet people whose lives are behind computer screens and being a bitch comes naturally? No worries. You forget though, that Chellius and I live in a happy bubble where ignorance is bliss and the conversations are in our head. Yes, between the two of us there is one brain hahaha. Thanks for commenting though and telling us we were sad idiots... made us feel special eventhough you said we weren't. It is all about perception anyway isn't it and ours is very special. You're probably right and we are ignorant and therefore misinformed (under-informed a word ah?) and not retarded but no more than anyone else really. Lucky for you we really don't have Down's Syndrome or something when you ragged on us - imagine how mean that would be. Sorry you have no imagination too, not your fault, life just dealt you a lesser hand. Have a great life though, or try to at least and remember it's okay if you don't like yourself, you probably really are just that unlikeable and everyone probably thinks the same too and well, the majority is always, always, always right hey?

Hahahaha! Chellius, we superstaro don't you think? Where you anyway? I hungry... hehe. Oh and I got rid of that stupid swirly background which totally didn't go at all with the blog but I was messing about la like always. Which is like duh cos when you load the damn thing it'll be gone... Just wanted you to know it was me and not evil entity hahaha...

And on a more interesting note - congrats for passing your objective legal theory exam. I mean who'd have thought that was all it took to affect lives ya know? Makes you wonder about all those hours we spent trying to rationalize law when all we needed to do was choose a, b, c or d. Damn that reasonable man again. I don't want him be my best friend anymore la...

Kungpow chicken

2009-07-12T10:00:00.003+08:00

Once upon a time there was a little fart. The little fart smelled really bad and no one wanted to be his friend (yes, the fart was a dude). He was very sad that he had no friends. One day he saw a book lying by the side of the road next to the drain and he picked it up. What he didn't know was that this little book was a magical book. The little fart flipped open the cover and immediately he was hit by a rush of rainbow sparkles. A unicorn head butted out of the pages and snorted at him in a giggling sort of way. The sparkles engulfed the little fart and he was magically transformed into... a little squirt.

Now you may ask yourself, what is the difference between a little fart and a little squirt. To that question I answer, exactly the same difference between a little squirt and a little runt. Each little makes him ever so slightly more uh bigger?

Every time he opened the book he grew a little bit more as if by magic until he grew into... THE REASONABLE MAN.

And then everyone wanted to kill him because they were unreasonable what with him having all the reason and all. They formed the EU to try to do so (and Malaysia which in turn farted out Singapore and so on so forth although nothing has come of it yet, it is just Singapore... who drinks our water in exchange of nothing I can think of at the moment).

Would you believe I'm staying awake for longer periods more easily than during my exam? Then I don't sleep for 36 hours I cannot think. Now I gungho write story. What la. Chellius, apa itu kungpow chicken? All I thinking of is kungfu fighting ching chong cheng chang chung cheang chu chu chu... Ya dig?

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

2009-07-11T10:34:00.003+08:00

Dear Chellius,

Now that you are JK Rowling's pen pal, I was hoping that you would ask her to give me tickets to watch Harry Potter on the 16th which is when it comes out and is also my birthday :)

I also had something else to say but I forgot what with being your secret admirer and all... Life is just too exciting that everything slips in and out of my mind with a blink of my eye.

Oh, I accidentally used the word existentialistic and whilst I know what it means I'm not sure what it means you know? I assumed it was something along the lines of poyo omg I'm so smart listen to me bullshit... What do you think?

Love,
Chloius
Your secret admirer who has turned you down after a date before

Dear Miss JK Rowling

2009-07-08T15:33:00.002+08:00

Hi there miss jk rowling, my government name is michelle and my government age is 21 and somehow i am indian person. after 256 years of bearing the brunt of your messed up english education system and facing the horrible advent of twilight i have decided to write to you a letter about how your stories made me happy while i sat for my PMR and SPM (OWLS and NEWTs equivalent see) and i took em together with harry potter when he sat for his ok. (i know that harry did not sit for his final year but then if i had to battle the dark wizard i would totally not do it myself by the way)

well, my real name is unicorn chelle chelle and i am actually a precocious 8 year old who has an amazing grasp on constructing sentences with the newly learnt words but the inability to spell as well as the kids who are 6 years old.

the reason why i tell you all these seemingly irrelevant facts about my dual personalities is because i assure you many adults out there who are apparently 25 years old are actually merely 10 years old in the head, possibly not even mature 10 year olds. they love your books miss rowling and although yes, im incredibly happy you wrote beedle the bardwhatever (ok i didn't read it yet but that's not the point). the point is that you have stopped writing about harry and his friends. or an actual franchise-worthy story.

why would it bother me though. i mean after all the time of pleading sanctuary within the confines of some communistic plot, why should i ask you to bring forth some silly franchise plan? is because, if you dont soon, STEPHANIE MYER WILL OK.

if you say, retire now like all white uk people do (eg: tony blair, mister bean etc), you will just be labeled as this old kook with loads of money who should be thrown into the funny bin. thats' ok cause i hear the funny bin has lots of nice peoples you can play rock paper scissors with! but then there will be this enemy of the literary world that sleeps not, rests not and thinks not (evident from her writing ok) and she will create this entire new universe and make the young people forget you EVER EXISTED MISS ROWLING.

there will be this sudden new book named after some my little pony creature, like minty magic (see its alliteration somemore) where there is this girl that has no abilities whatsoever but befriends a man with magical powers and all he wants to do is protect her from those potentially devastating powers of his. and then suddenly there is this dark lord that says that he has her father and he actually doesn't and she has to save her father and then her boyfriend saves her.

accuse me for weak plot-structure but i tell you someone already did it and is A MILLIONAIRE OK. ya miss rowling, she will overthrow you and although you spent your entire life crafting something as mystical and magical as harry potter, YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN BY THE LITTLE PEOPLE OF TODAY.

so please lah, write some special story about harry's children. i mean come on, logically i dont think that there isn't even a little bit of antagonism in the wizarding world. please? please? michael jackson already died as a child molester to the little people of today. so can you please not die as some stephanie myer cop out because i really dun like her.

i heart you miss jk rowling.

love,
unicorn chelle chelle chellious (narcissism makes you say your name three times for the cult effect)

i actually don hate white peopl

2009-06-28T04:19:00.004+08:00

i thought H1n1 stood for "hi 1ts nothing one"
then it mutate become to "hi its zombie one"

but u kno what i think that you make me crazy that day. i dunno how those people can quarantine for one week. we quarantine for 2 hours in the car also like crazy only, imagining how we'll die from swine flu.

i really thought i was gonna die btw. cause i was like hmm. why govind go home so soon? maybe its because god wants him far away when his beloved pig girlfriend die to spare him the pain.
so the perfect irony is that i die of something totally unrelated like swine flu cause god'll think its so funny.

its ok be cool be cool, im sure its just that we're dehydrated, and then we weren't eating healthy that day. so that means it cant be swine flu cause our only symptoms were batuk like old people. i suspect that im only hypochondriac when im around you. because i generally dont believe in the logic of being ill because you're only ill if you want to be.

so zen right. hahaa... i may be buddhist this week btw. or some sort of hindu. but i cant readjust my praying cause my reasoning is entirely christian. and its so weird ok re-adjusting to some hindu wavelength.

ya u know what, i always imagine reasonable man to be white.
wth ok i tell you what.
we imagine him to be melayu ok? bes tak. we call him muhammad abubu.
he only speak malay. we ask him question.

us: hallo, encik muhammad abubu, adakah pekara ini agak i think its sederhana, but it means moderation too. so i dunn.

abubu: ya, saya rasa bahawa pekara ini agak "risonabi" (see i create new word), kamu sepatut berkelakuan macam itu lah.

us: terima kasih abubu kerana memberikan kita jalan raya ke kebenaran orang risonabi

abubu: you perlu belajar bm lagi bagus sebab saya tak nak bertutur dalam your bahasa putih sebab kamu cakap orang putih jahat tapi you suka sangat cakap orang putih. kamu tak pandai.

ok ok so hallu mister abubu. i scared i was going to die u know

what if it was tb instead.
and btw, if you kena swine flu now right, would you develop some sort of immunity system against the H1 N1 (look like bad word) so that means that while it develops into H1 o1 (orangutan or orang gila or something)
you are already immune and when they bite you you're ok? ahhaa, that means the only way you ensure your loved ones dont turn into zombies.

you better coax your 5 friends + your "selected" family members into being infected chloius. better tell your mama to kena swine flu now sebelum she become zombie after you have to shoot your relatives all damm sedih right.

i hope that this h1n1 doesnt morph into some vampire thing though. honestly, id rather be anything but some sort of vampire right now. ya we're talking about vampire and their gay-ness right, now not only are they gay, but they're irritating too. stupid face, and how come right, vampire always portrayed to be so white colour.

the earliest vampires were indian u know.
all the indian god all like to drink blood all black colour u know.
just because got hollywood show about vampires now so you assume that all vampires white colour izzit.

i also hate how cleopatra is now remembered as some fucking white woman, prince of persia is some stupid white guy, chun li is that stupid girl that irritates the shit out of me , the lana lang face woman, i hate how the dragon ball fella is white. i mean HUH why, all of these people are white, thought you all so pandai outsource us asian peoples.
so kerja sebagai operator can lah, but kerja sebagai pelakon terkenal must let your stupid white friends do it izzit.

have anti-twilighters developed some sort of social pariah status, btw? cause it dawned upon me that many people who are socially "coordinated" seem to be on the other side of the fence. and from what i see, those of us who find twilight a tad bit dodgy are urh.... have a social life within a certain "bubble-like" parameter.

sorry lah, ive been having many conversations inside my head lately...
im not afraid of the dark anymore btw. hellblazer now made me realize that all the devil wants to do is really just take our souls. and white man already do that to me. cause i think that i must have big eyes, small nose and white skin to be beautiful.

i not scared adi haha

DAMNED REASONABLE MAN!

2009-06-28T00:05:00.001+08:00

Why?

Because that cibai orang putih. Think about it - the standard of reasonableness we judge ourselves upon is a white man's standard. The same white man who colonised us, seperated us racially, caused mayhem and discourse within our peaceful donkeyfied country, spread venereal diseases, blamed black people for raping their women and children whilst they're the fuckers who did the raping and killing. He's the fucker who created capitalism which has caused millions of deaths over the years and is killing us even more and selling us underaged porno like Hannah Montana. The fucker travelled to Asia and brough the fucking swine flu ;)

Which makes me wonder - what if the flu is nothing more than mass hysteria? What if it's really the common cold that they hyped up because they don't like pigs and want to curb terrorist attacks? OMG WHAT IF THEY ACTUALLY HAD INTELLIGENCE ABOUT TERRORIST ATTACKING THEM AND THEY CREATED THE WHOLE FLU PANDEMIC TO ENSURE TIGHTER SECURITY AT AIRPORTS because that's what's happening now by the way... They're checking everyone at the airports for flu... And you know how we can play 6 degrees with the people who have been quarantined? What if they all they have is the common flu but the doctor say, "Oh dear, let's quarantine and see..." just to be on the safe side or because WHO said so? Damn...

The fucker also created psychological illnesses and sold that to us through Hollywood and so called educational thick books so we believe that we're insane and we whine and moan about it and we fucking never grow up. It's like... an excuse for our immaturity don't you think? AND THE WHITE MAN CREATED IT. Where in Asia got people's parents pay for them to go see shrink one? If we got emotional problem, they tell us to shut up and beat us in case neighbour hear. (Ahahahaha!)

They even fucked up religion and pigeon-holed God. Can you imagine that? THEY FUCKING PIGEON-HOLED GOD! And because of these fucking white bastards, we not only picture God to be white, every other religion is wrong and bad and evil and stupid and demonic because they said so. And they can tell us in church that God is multi-facetted whilst they condemn every other religion for not being the "one true religion"... How insulting don't you think?

Then he made law up and said hey Chloius, hey Chellius, do law, it'll help you think you're smart... FUCKER. I never felt so stupid in my life okay! And it made me look back at my life and realize I was quite the idiot and wonder why I ever thought I had a brain.

And the worst thing is... it's so enticing... So much easier to just follow them because the whole world does it. AH BUT WE WILL PERSIST, WE WILL SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH AND WE WILL FIND IT AND EXPOSE IT! Go retards!

How to survive a zombie apocalypse:

2009-06-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

I had dinner too recently with someone who wanted to dress up as a zombie. All I could think of is... I kill zombies... I fucking kill zombies man... With all the practice we've had killing zombies Chellius, we've never actually stopped to think that these fucking zombies could be... people we know and love (not that I knew or loved said person)...

The zombie dresser also said that the H1N1 gonna mutate to H1Z1 = zombie apocalypse...

How to survive a zombie apocalypse:

1. Make sure you have money in your wallet.
2. Change sufficient tokens.
3. Kaching the tokens into the machine.
4. Pick up your gun from the slot.
5. Shoooooot!
6. Repeat if necessary.
7. If you give up because it's just so insanely expensive to survive, play Tekken instead.

Now that we've survived the apocalypse, we have to live with the repercussions that we killed our friends and family. Dahlah I only have 5 friends :(

What would John Connor Do?

2009-06-21T02:38:00.002+08:00

hey.
do you think doppleganger people can actually kill other people?

or are they just goin to go on with life, touching others until they go insane and end up in the funny bin?

u kno what i think. the whole concept of a zombie apocalypse is just an elastic concept of the future. the zombie is actually x.
and x= to the possible insane things that could occur to the human race and then it'd be some self destruct thingy where we all just eat one another.

ok ok so what if x=doppleganger peoples?

where would you guys hide?
how would you kill dopplegangers?
what kind of precaution ought you take against dopplegangers?

should you allow the doppleganger to know that you are already on to their plan of mass death?
or do we just keep really quiet until we can move in for the kill.

do we tell the doppleganger that we know its troo identity?
what if dopplegangers have your possessions that contain dna eg: hair samples, saliva etc. would that make one more vulnerable to attacks?

would past attacks ensure that one will be safe from future attacks because some method of immunization has crystalized upon prior attacks? and the element of emotional trauma.

would it ward off the dopplegangers, or would it allow them energy?

anyone got suggestions for zombie apocalypse plan, please tell me k. cause i kinda scared of doppleganger infestation. what if its like some rabies thingy, whre everyone terjangkit?

Chin peng and crazies

2009-06-18T02:34:00.003+08:00

Hallo hallo

i wanna marry vulcan. mr spock so hot ok. hee hee.

haha so crazy. oww btw, chin peng trying to come back weih... does anyone really want him to come back? i mean really? he was apparently part of this party called :
Anti Enemy Backing Up Society. aka AEBUS (ya, like the airplane)

What the hell is that kinda shit. i mean what does that mean? are you anti people backing up the enemy? are you anti the enemy's ability to back itself up? Do you back up people who are against the enemy? is that even proper english ah? or some ching chong translated voodoo?

apparently chin peng got the OBE but the brit ppl took it away. i thought only cooks got these obe thingies, i didnt know murderers got em too...

wonder why the malaysia so angry at him. he was anti colonialist. kinda hot right... must google his pic. maybe he quite hot one... murderer some more, that's hot.
ow he's like old not so hot adi. but got one gambar he young time
eh, did the only ppl chin peng kill are white ppl. why malaya so angry then? i mean come on now... they're colonialists. oww apparently he try to kill more ching chong ppl who are kononnya suspected of being in league with the japanese people. he didn even try to kill japanese people (ok im sure you all prolly kno this ok but this is news to me)

huh? wth wei

so you've got the japanese people killing chinese peope. cause they jealous we more good looking. then youve got chin peng killing chinese people cause he's insane.
and somehow, the chinese people still manage to have the most people in the globe. what does that tell you? chinese people can clever to cloning.

the whole eight points of attention or some chairman meow for bein some good communist says you can't damage crops but somehow killing is a-okay... so random no wonder ppl hate all these communist. like they're all crazy. btw steph is right, she is right that dr anand is not communist cause he eats at mcdonald's ok... haha chloius told me ya

btw how do you think thailand feels? some psychotic murderer its not ok to be in malaysia cause he'll kill our malaysian ching chong babies but its totally cool he is in thailand izzit, cause they can be communist and its ok? wth NOT FAIR RIGHT. omg u know what that means when i was in bangkok i might've bumped into chin peng and didnt know it since he's there right...

they made this movie called the last communist about him btw.
its a musical. ITS A MUSICAL ABOUT COMMUNISTS WHO KILL PEOPLE. why have i not heard of this? maybe im in tempurung ok. sorry!
but but, its MUSICAL ABOUT COMMUNISTS!

why don they explain why his name is ong boon hwa (sounds like my relative ok) and then he becomes chin peng. does he want to become a girl? why got no last name? he should be uncle ong ok. not crazy peng.
chloius and i wanted to have this plan to help him cause we thought ok communist you're misunderstood bla bla bla... but then u know what, i dont want to help him anymore ok. cause he's EVIL EVIL.

i hope they stick him in thailand forever. then he can spread his crazy communism there. in fact they should stick him in singapore. after all, if any country were to turn vulcan and insane, that'd be singapore. they already chuck their kids into bowls and make them remember useless facts right. might as well go the vulcan way.

http://www.redfilms.com.my/lelakikomunis.htm

why does he want to come back though? does he want to turn us into communists? hee hee... eh i dun wan ok. i like my clothes... imagine if my baju were public property ok... i'll totally kill chin peng myself ok. maybe i should send him a surat. hello mister chin peng, im interested in becoming a communist.

i wonder if he crazy one... what if his new plan is to set fire to random capitalist thingies? that'd be quite funny one. that's why he wants to leave thailand cause they dont have mcdonalds. or starbucks. he wants to come here so he can set fire to all our american capitalist brainwashin shit right!

see i kno chin peng plan :D

chellius knows....

Anal excretion

2009-05-18T21:56:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite quotes by someone who I obviously cannot remember went something like - A judge is a law student who marks his own paper... or something. I wanna be a judge Chellius. I believe I have excellent anal excretive powers. Anal excretion is not limited to the anus by the way, but also to brain fluids dancing up and down to some anal excretive jingle. Also the brain sometimes likes to reside in the anus and that usually when our brains run away to hide from us, they are always where we fail to look - up our asses.

Love,
Chloius